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Random Facts About Chuck Norris

September 18th, 2005 at 11:51 pm By johnsee (Humour)

Chuck Norris as a KID!! Read all about it here!
Chuck Norris reads these facts on TV!! Read all about it here!
Chuck Norris Responds! Read all about it here!

A Note About the Following:

This was posted from a chain email I was sent. I only posted it on the site at the time because it was that good, and the biggest list I had ever seen. Now in April 2006, this post has almost 400 comments, is the most read page on the site, and is linked to all across the web including wikipedia. I’ve now started adding all the comments to the original list. Enjoy!

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Original list, plus good original suggestions in comment up to 392
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  1. While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can’t do that, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
  2. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
  3. Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.
  4. It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
  5. Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.
  6. Chuck Norris ate his weight at Godfathers pizza.
  7. Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
  8. Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.

  9. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
  10. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single, however, so it was divided.
  11. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.
  12. New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.
  13. Chuck Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.
  14. Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.
  15. One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Godzilla walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said, “Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!” right then Chuck Norris turned around and went, “The name is Chuck Norris!” and he brutally anniliated all three of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that night.
  16. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  17. Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.
  18. Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.
  19. When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
  20. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.
  21. A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.
  22. Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.
  23. Chuck Norris once ejaculated solid gold into a river in India, bringing profit to the local villagers and causing him to be worshiped as a God.
  24. Chuck Norris convinced Anakin Skywalker to join the Dark Side of the Force.
  25. Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.
  26. Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a pinecone.
  27. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
  28. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
  29. Chuck Norris can’t eat while standing upright.
  30. Chuck Norris fought a pirate once. It was close but the pirate won. Chuck has been in a state of chronic depression ever since.
  31. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.
  32. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
  33. One drop of Chuck Norris’ sweat can cure you of anything, even death.
  34. Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
  35. The letters in Chuck Norris’ name can be rearranged to spell doom in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.
  36. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
  37. Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.
  38. Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
  39. Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
  40. There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
  41. Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.
  42. Chuck Norris’s heart beats once every full moon.
  43. Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
  44. Chuck Norris signed the Declaration Of Independance, The Bill Of Rights, and the Constitution while plundering a poor asian village.
  45. The movie “The Ring” is actually just a Chuck Norris biography.
  46. Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won’t find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it’s getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.
  47. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies just check the extinct species list.
  48. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
  49. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
  50. Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
  51. If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.
  52. Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex with 3 women.
  53. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
  54. We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  55. Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you have seen in your entire life.
  56. Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris’ house is a Total Gym.
  57. Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture found only the skull of Chuck Norris.
  58. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
  59. Chuck Norris put the ‘k’ in ‘hardkore.’
  60. Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.
  61. In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in “Total Recall”.
  62. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole in the ozone layer.
  63. Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.
  64. Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, “The name’s Norris; Chuck Norris.”
  65. Chuck Norris dosen’t need to swallow when eating food
  66. Chuck Norris can break wood with his penis.
  67. Chuck Norris can devide by Zero
  68. Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won’t trade any of them for anything.
  69. If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win: Chuck Norris.
  70. Chuck Norris puts the M ’s on M&Ms.
  71. Chuck Norris’ milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
  72. Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.
  73. The milkshake doesn’t bring Chuck Norris to the yard
  74. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved
  75. Chuck Norris can burp the alphabet. Backwards.
  76. While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France
  77. Norris backwards is Sinnor, which is greek for asian whore
  78. Chuck Norris was once accused of heresy by the Pope, but as it turns out, Chuck Norris is, in fact, the true son of god
  79. In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed
  80. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki
  81. Chuck Norris’ penis is considered a weapon of mass destruction
  82. Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special olympics
  83. CNN was originally the “Chuck Norris Network” but was later changed to a news station because the awesomeness of a Chuck Norris network kept blowing up satellites, TVs, and viewers’ eyeballs
  84. The evolution theory states that everything evolved from one living being. Chuck Norris is that living being
  85. Chuck Norris is where babies come from
  86. Chuck Norris has been in every porn video since 1985
  87. One day Chuck Norris was infact killed when he round house kicked someone in the face so hard that it shattered the universe. But in heaven, Chuck challenged God to an arm wrestling match. Chuck won, and the universe was reformed
  88. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO
  89. While walking on water in the Pacific Ocean, Chuck Norris ran into his friend Katrina, and she tried to seduce him. Chuck was not pleased about this, so he round house kicked her into New Orleans
  90. Chuck Norris knows how to cure AIDS, but will only reveal the solution if Ralph Macchio is publicly executed
  91. Chuck Norris invented Viagra
  92. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death
  93. Chuck Norris bends steel with his mind.
  94. Chuck Norris is the reason Jesus died
  95. Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously
  96. Chuck Norris is not a vegetarian. He knows that extended periods of vegetarianism only lead to a multitude of small vaginas growing on your skin until you eventually become a giant pussy
  97. Everytime you litter, Chuck Norris cries, then he’ll roundhouse kick your grandma
  98. On the 7th day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over
  99. Had the priests in “The Exorcist” just said, “The power of Chuck Norris compels you” instead of “The power of Christ compels you,” the movie would only have been about 30 seconds long
  100. Everything tastes like chicken because its Chuck Norris’ favorite food
  101. Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
  102. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat
  103. Chuck Norris once had sex with a polar bear,with his orgasm he created the third ice-age, which is also known as the second coming of the robotic Vin Diesel
  104. Rumour has it that the semen from Chuck Norris’ six-foot wang can cure leukemia, especially in small children
  105. Chuck Norris pimped your ride
  106. Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonaise in a week
  107. Chuck Norris is German for “Whale’s Vagina”
  108. Chuck Norris invented water
  109. Chuck Norris is the leading cause of childhood obesity in America
  110. Chuck Norris’s dick is so big, it has its own Dick. And Chuck Norris’s Dick’s dick is bigger than your dick
  111. Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym
  112. Chuck Norris once boned the Mona Lisa, which is why she smiles
  113. Chuck Norris smells like Jesus Christ.
  114. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enoughm within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found em!’”
  115. The first rule of Chuck Norris is, you do not talk about Chuck Norris
  116. One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it’s technical term: Jupiter
  117. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venemous creature on Earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
  118. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s father
  119. Chuck Norris did not shoot the deputy or the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the crap out of both of them
  120. Chuck Norris ate an entire wheel of cheese, then pooped in the refrigerator
  121. Chuck Norris does not use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the acutal spelling of it.
  122. Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30 mile radius
  123. Few people know that President Jimmy Carter appointed Chuck Norris as Secretary of Awesome in 1978. This cabinet level position was later rescinded in 1981 after Norris refused to give up his title
  124. As well as being an actor, martial artist, and poet, Chuck Norris is also a world renowned physicist. It was in this capacity that he once had a disagreement about steady-state theory with Stephen Hawking. Hence the Wheelchair
  125. It wasn’t actually Superman who spun the Earth backwards to go back in time - He got Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick it for him
  126. Chuck Norris Taught the beaver how to chew through trees
  127. Chuck Norris taught jesus to turn water into wine
  128. Life handed Chuck Norris shit and he made Lemonade
  129. The idea for Walker Texas Ranger, first came to Chuck amidst a slaughter in a guyanese rub’ n ‘tug, after an attendant had attempted to give him a happy ending, after disembowling the beligerant whore, Chuck wiped her fresh let blood from his lips and said, “Only Chuck Norris can touch Chuck Norris there.”
  130. Chuck Norris was once in a wet t-shirt contest with Bruce Willis, Dave Navarro, and Axl Rose, he placed 2nd, sending him into a blinding fit of white hot roundhouse kicks, and to this day, is the only human being to execute enough consecutive roundhouse kicks to actually alter the orbit of the planet, inevitably sending earth careening into the sun.Oh, Chuck.
  131. Chuck Norris was knee deep in the freshly massacred corpses of the innocent, when the inkling struck him to defile a virgin, finding none in sight, he proceeded to rapidly fornicate himself with a flurry of roundhouse kicks, until he ejactulated an impressive stream of Chuck-Butter into the atmosphere, causing the hole in the Ozone.
  132. If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, and it would sweep the Grammies. When asked why he doesn’t do this, Chuck would reply, “Because Grammies are for queers.” He then would eat a knife to show the seriousness of his response
  133. Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loaded gun, and wins!
  134. Chuck Norris is has put 30 species on the endangered list just by thinking about them when he goes to the bathroom.
  135. Chuck Norris once folded a dollar in half, and then folded that into a half again. He did this seven times. Then he tore it. With his bare hands.
  136. Chuck Norris is suing burger king because they wouldn’t put barbed wire on his whopper. His side is, “the saying goes, have it your way.” He later round house kicked the building into the solar system. Legend has it that it is still orbiting the sun.
  137. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked his own shadow, killing it instantly
  138. Chuck Norris has hands made of bunnytails.
  139. Chuck Norris dreams in awesome.
  140. Chuck Norris puts the “x” in xylophone.
  141. The universe revolves around Chuck Norris’s abs.
  142. Chuck Norris marks his territory by laying his flacid penis on strangers couches as he enters the room. When asked why he does this, he smiles, laughs, and blows a load in the host’s face.
  143. When Chuck Norris was asked how he saves the dolphins, he simply replied ” i eat tuna and shit dolphins you fuck.” The next day he made a halmark card of the event. it was later taken off the market because the yearly meassuring of round house kicks went up one thousand percent.
  144. On the fifth day of Christmas, Chuck Norris got five golden roundhouse kicks.
  145. On Halloween, Chuck Norris scares children and collects their fear to fuel his cyber-netic core
  146. Chuck Norris is the reason dinosaurs are extinct.
  147. Chuck Norris only cleans himself like a cat. Rough tounge. It feels really great.
  148. Chuck Norris has a dong like a swollen horse.
  149. Chuck Norris is the only man that will NOT save money on car insurance by switching to gieco.
  150. Chuck Norris is a Keanu Reeves buff and impresses people at diners with Keanu trivia when playing measely human games.
  151. Hitler didn’t die in Germany, he died in Chuck Norris’ basement….and his dog, well, that is now a car seat cover on Chuck’s landrover
  152. Chuck Norris is writing a book about recent experiences - He calls it “Around the World in 80 milliseconds”
  153. Chuck Norris taught himself to fly with repeated round house kicks and unhumanly powerful groin thrusts. His massive erection doubles as a rudder, and his jeans tighten to warn him of danger.
  154. Chuck Norris Lost His Virginity Before His Dad Did
  155. Chuck Norris doesn’t do drugs he gets stoned just by thinking about Maui
  156. Chuck Norris can cure cancer by beating it out of you
  157. Eve ate the forbidden apple, Chuck Norris the snake.
  158. When God finally asked to Abraham not to kill his son, Chuck Norris did.
  159. When God said “Let there be light”, Chuck Norris said “Say please”.
  160. Terrorists did not fly planes into the world trade center, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them.
  161. Chuck Norris once fought God, and roundhouse kicked him so hard it caused the big bang.
  162. Chuck Norris’s right testicle is often mistaken for the moon.
  163. Chuck Norris blew up the Death Star
  164. When Bill Gates approached Chuck Norris asking “I made Microsoft, what did you do?” Chuck Norris proceeded to roundhousekick him into oblivion and invented the internet.
  165. All the “lost” civilizations are no longer here because Chuck Norris lives
  166. Chuck Norris was every American president up to Bill Clinton. At that point he roundhousekicked himself out of office
  167. Chuck Norris eats coal and shits diamonds
  168. The song “Brick House” was actually about Chuck Norris’s abs
  169. Spontaneous combustion is actually a result of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking a person.
  170. Every time a Republican opens their mouth, Chuck Norris aborts a baby.
  171. When there’s no more room in hell, Chuck Norris will still walk the earth
  172. Chuck Norris invented fire when he once masturbated fiercely.
  173. Chuck Norris is the terminator. Not some pussy politician girly man
  174. Mount Everest is actually the result of Chuck Norris eating a burrito
  175. Contrary to popular belief, King Kong did not climb the Empire state building. That was Chuck Norris’s penis.
  176. “Back In Black” was actually about Chuck Norris coming back from the tanning salon.
  177. Chuck Norris does not use a tanning salon, Chuck Norris just looks at himself in the mirror.
  178. Chuck Norris does not believe in luck, Chuck Norris decides the fate of everyone.
  179. Chuck Norris combined all 365 days of the year into one day, and it is known as Chuck Norris Day
  180. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked John Lennon when The Beatles would not write a song called “Happiness Is Chuck Norris.” That was the last time the world saw Lennon.
  181. “Lost in the Bermuda Triangle” is the scientific phrase used when a person is roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.
  182. Chuck Norris once had a baby. The world called it “God”.
  183. Dinosaurs are extinct because Chuck Norris woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
  184. Fear can hold you prisoner. Only Chuck Norris can set you free
  185. When life gives him lemons, Chuck Norris humps volcanoes.
  186. Chuck Norris fought every war in history under the nickname, “the military”.
  187. Chuck Norris did not lose Vietnam, he left when he ran out of hookers.
  188. Chuck Norris loves the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like, breakfast.
  189. Ever seen the movie The Professional? They deleted the scene where Chuck Norris killed him.
  190. During the 1991 superbowl, Scott Norwood’s fieldgoal was about to go through the uprights and the bills would have won, but Chuck Norris was in the crowd and sneezed, causing the ball to go wide right.
  191. One day, Chuck Norris and Bill Brasky were about to fight. However, right before the first punch was thrown, every first born son in Egypt dropped dead. Before the rest of the world could follow suit, Norris and Brasky called the whole thing off. When Bill Brasky began to walk away from the fight, Chuck Norris attempted to roundhouse kick him in the spine. Brasky sensed this and moved out of the way. Disturbed that Brasky had known his plan, Chuck Norris decided to kill the most important man he could think of. This is how Jesus died.
  192. Chuck Norris has no face. He, mistakingly, looked in the mirror in 1984 & had an immediate flurry of roundhouse kicks to his (once astonishing) mug. What you see today is a meer, rugged disguise to confuse the ninjas out to kill him (even though he’s really not afraid of them. He’s just waiting for the right moment to attack).
  193. Once Chuck Norris had a stomach ache, he immediately disemboweled himself and roundhouse kicked all his internal organs to Africa which ended a famine.
    He then replaced them with depleted uranium and generates more energy than the Sun.
  194. If you can hear Chuck Norris Breathing, then Chuck Norris can hear you breathing and if you hear Chuck Norris breathing then you’re seconds away from a roundhouse kick to the face and instant paralysis.
  195. Chuck Norris once lost a pube whilst crossing a road in Paris, a Mercedes crashed into it killing Princess Di, Dodi and Driver instantly.
  196. If you stared at Chuck Norris’s ringpeice for longer than ten seconds would go blind and recieve third degree burns, as the Sun actually shines through his arse.
  197. Chuck Norris was actually present during the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center as he was having a quiet coffee in a restaurant in the foyer and talking to anyone who would listen about his time as six times World Karate Champion. As the planes hit the tower Chuck was calmly holding the front doors open to allow everyone to escape, but he became annoyed that no-one was giving him the common courtesy of saying thank you. All this became too much for Chuck as thoughts of his own safety were replaced by thoughts of attack! One roundhouse kick to the face later sent an unfortunate businessman crashing through the concrete supports of BOTH towers. As these mighty monoliths came crashing down amid screams of “Why chuck, why???” the only thing he needed to do was make a wry grin to the watching world and calmly continue his coffee after removing the film of dust with a swift karate chop. He knew what he did was right…. and everyone else knew that too!
  198. Chuck Norris rounhouse kicked himself in the face, creating two mini Chucks who now roundhouse kick nuns and priests for a giggle
  199. The only reason Jesus lives is because Chuck Norris wants it that way
  200. To pass the time on lazy sundays Chuck Norris will go down to the local shelter, pick up some homeless guys, tie the long hair on their heads to the short hair on their arses and roundhouse kick them down the street
  201. Chuck Norris can kill a dog in seven different ways, four of which involve throwing missiles at it
  202. The rings around Saturn are made up entirely from peoples teeth that Chuck Norris had roundhouse kicked into space.
  203. Chuck Norris once went to a school to give a presentation on Martial Arts and preach his old oriental warrior-like teachings. Such was the presentation that he forgot who he was teaching and proceeded to roundhouse kick every one of the 200 pupils in the room, he then went on to roundhouse kick all the teachers also. This disaster is more commonly known as the Dunblane Massacre.
  204. The lyric from the Walker Texas Ranger that’ states “When your in texas, look behind you, for that’s where the ranger’s gonna be” Actually refers to the size of Chuck Norris Gentals being able to simultaneously be everywhere, implyiing total supervision of the entire state.
  205. The lyric from the Walker Texas Ranger that’ states “When your in texas, look behind you, for that’s where the ranger’s gonna be” Actually refers to the size of Chuck Norris Gentals being able to simultaneously be everywhere, implyiing total supervision of the entire state.
  206. If you laid all of Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kicks end to end they would go round the world four times and than cave your skull in.
  207. Heroin is actually made from Chuck Norris’s dandruff.
  208. There is no Santa Clause. Every woman was screwed by Chuck sooner than later, so every child is his. One day a year he visits them. The bad kids get there t.v smashed so they can’t watch ‘Walker Texas Ranger’, the good kids get roundhoused in the head.
  209. Chuck Norris sleeps with a hankerchief under his pillow. In case there’s a burglary, he blindfolds himself to make the ensuing fight somewhat fair.
  210. Chuck Norris takes his coffee black with only a few drops of Vietnamese blood.
  211. Since Chuck Norris can piss bullets and crap fire, his supply list for a camping trip only consists of prune juice and diet coke.
  212. The DVD extra for “Texas Ranger” is “Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse Kick Gallery” and it spans 129 discs.
  213. The beard of Chuck Norris is actually made out of the same top secret meterial that only US and UK tanks are made out of.
  214. Chuck Norris seamlessly integrates audio-visual equipment…and roundhouse kicks good reception into televisions.
  215. Chuck Norris eats broccoli in order to balance the normally ambrosia-like flavor of his semen with a more acidic taste, creating a substance which can only be likened to pure euphoria. He then consumes this semen as a protein drink after roundhouse kicking Condoliza Rice in the face on Tuesdays.
  216. There is no such thing as dejavu. Somewhere on earth, Chuck Norris has just performed a roundhouse kick so fast that it caused a rip in the space/time continuum, sending you back in time for a brief moment to relive an occurance that has already taken place.
  217. If you watch the fight scenes in ‘The Matrix’ at half speed on your dvd player while listening to the theme music for Night Rider, you’ll notice that Chuck Norris performed ALL the stunts. This also works with the theme music for Miami Vice.
  218. Chuck Norris is the reason why jello jiggles
  219. The only reason why there was no war during the cold war was because america had Chuck Norris.
  220. Chuck Norris will round house kick Justin Soisson’s nuts off
  221. There is no wheaties for breakfast because wheaties are really Chuck Norris’s finger nails
  222. In 20,000 leagues under the sea, it wasnt no big squid it was Chuck Norris searching for really big oysters with out any diving gear on
  223. Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked Justin and Charlie Right in the face.. They both died and Chuck Norris’s penis increased to 23″
  224. Chuck Norris inserts vowels by roundhouse kicking them into place
  225. Ever see the movie the butterfly effect? Well it was originally the Chuck Norris effect
  226. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear sunglasses, he simply roundhouse kicks the clouds in front of the sun when it’s too sunny.
  227. Its not the US invasion of Iraq, it’s the Chuck Norris invasion of Iraq
  228. The reason there are so many suicide bombers is because it is used as a last resort defense tactic before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them.
  229. The only real weapon of mass destruction is Chuck Norris.
  230. Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a 105mph fastball 500feet.
  231. Chuck Norris really scored the famous goal in the 1972 summit series for Team Canada. That’s why Paul Henderson is not in the hockey hall of fame, and Chuck is.
  232. Chuck Norris can’t disagree with Don Cherry; he just stares at his suit.
  233. The real reason Steve Moore was hospitalized was because he received a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the neck. The whole Todd Bertuzzi incident was because it happened on live TV so fast and nobody saw Chuck.
  234. Who is Chuck Norris you ask? He is the one to your left roundhouse kicking you in the head.
  235. Nobody mugs Chuck Norris because it simply can’t be done. Plus you risk he might mug you and roundhouse kick you.
  236. Chuck Norris must spar with himself to keep in shape. He has no competition.
  237. Lance Armstrong has only won 7 Tour de France’s because Chuck Norris hasn’t tried to stop him.
  238. Athletes only take performance enhancing drugs out of pure fear of someday possibly facing Chuck Norris.
  239. Chuck Norris has two rules, one no Asian Chicks, and two especially no fat Asian chicks.
  240. The Devil gave Chuck Norris’s soul back in exchange for just a normal kick to the head. Chuck Norris still ended up Roundhouse Kicking him.
  241. Chuck Norris’s hero is the man show kid, sometimes he picks up chicks with the kid too.
  242. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a beer fridge, he can simply roundhouse kick a keg of beer to perfect serving temperature.
  243. Chuck Norris defeated Godzilla in 1.23 seconds. The rest was just Hollywood.
  244. Chuck Norris doesn’t like hip-hop music, He can’t understand what they are saying so he just sits and stares.
  245. Chuck Norris turns on the lights by opening his eyes.
  246. When Chuck Norris farts the terror alert gets raised a level for fear of a biological attack
  247. If there is a WW3 it will only be when Chuck Norris decides to come out of retirement.
  248. Chuck Norris biggest dilemma yet is that of the cat who keeps coming back the very next day despite 365 roundhouse kicks per year since it was a kitten. It’s still alive.
  249. Chuck Norris is not a racist, he just doesn’t like you.
  250. Chuck Norris doesn’t like you, its becasue you smell like someone who is going to get a roundhouse kick to the head.
  251. Vote for Pedro if you want two roundhouse kicks to the head, vote for Chuck Norris if you want one.
  252. If Chuck Norris hears you say “that’s hot” like Paris Hilton says it, you die, just like that. If he hears you say it normaly you just get a roundhouse kick to the head which will kill you, just like that.
  253. Tom Cruise is not really dating Katie Holmes. Chuck Norris is. It’s just a cover up because Tom is gay and Chuck is a lot older than Tom.
  254. Ever wonder what happened to the second gunman on the grassy nole? Don’t worry about it, Chuck Norris had his reasons.
  255. Chuck Norris offers you his protection through a silent friendship.
  256. If you ask Chuck Norris if he wants to smoke a joint he will just sit and stare at you, if you ask him again he will roundhouse kick you to the face and sit back down and keep staring. He is probably practicing his star gazing and you shouldn’t have interrupted him.
  257. Chuck Norris once had a threesome with Oprah and Lucy Lu. 9 days later a Golden child was born with magnified Chuck Norris abilities as well as the ability to fly.
  258. Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen San Diego is.
  259. The 1986 World Series was a result of Chuck Norris staring at Billy Buckner really hard.
  260. If you try to photograph Chuck Norris all you get is a black picture
  261. The leaning tower of pizza is leaning as result of Chuck Norris staring at it.
  262. Chuck Norris really ran the first Sub-4 Minute Mile. Backwards.
  263. The “Venus de Milo” statue has no arms because Chuck Norris didn’t like it and roundhouse kicked it.
  264. Chuck Norris once skipped a rock accross the Pacific Ocean. Left-handed.
  265. Chuck Norris can hold his breath underwater for 7 hours.
  266. Chuck Norris does not own a stove. He simply breaths fire on his meals
  267. Chuck Norris has a gold medal in every event in the Olympics, even gymnastics by which he roundhouse kicked all his opponents to death and then did a summersalt.
  268. Chuck Norris was the main reason for the fall of the Roman Empire…Chuck Norris doesn’t like togas.
  269. The Colossus of Rhodes did not break in an Earthquake. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.
  270. Chuck Norris constructed stonehenge.
  271. After writing all of these I claimed to be the greatest Chuck Norris joke writer of all time, upon which saying I was roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris for saying that anything or anyone in the known Universe is the best besides himself.
  272. Chuck Norris can kill a man 20 different ways. All of which include an infant and some sort of scream powered sling-shot.
  273. If the world saw Chuck Norris’ true form, all would be undone and Stephan Segal would turn gay.
  274. A blind man was cured when Chuck Norris replaced his eyes with a goats penis. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the man in the temple. He then screamed, “A penis cures blindness, but a roundhouse kick is forever!”
  275. Chuck Norris defys every law of nature. Even the ones created by Chuck Norris.
  276. One day, Chuck Norris once passed a kidney stone. That stone is now called, Celine Dion.
  277. Chuck Norris doesn’t shave, he just roundhouse kicks himself in the face.
  278. Because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
  279. Chuck Norris was responsible for 96% of illegal immigrants in the U.S last year. Authorities found that he was smuggling in large families under his foreskin and ordered an emergency circumsicion. It took 10 surgeons 3 days to remove the foreskin. Chuck was then ordered to roundhouse kick the skin into space and it is believed that Chucks’ hood was responsible for the last solar eclipse.
  280. Chuck Norris invented Halloween, This way he gets to give his treat to all the kids. After an underage session of suprise sex he coined the phrase ‘old enough to bleed, old enough to butcher’.
  281. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee…This has nothing to do with his ancestory…The man ate a fucking indian.
  282. The Great Earthquake of 1923 in Japan was not caused by tectonic tremors. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mao Zedong so hard in the face in 1955 the impact echoed back 32 years causing the phenomenon.
  283. Chuck Norris is such a bad ass that he jerks off with sand.
  284. Chuck Norris was gonna be elected the next pope, but apparently doing roundhouse kicks at will is forbidden in the Catholic Bible. In response to this, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Bible and stormed out of Vatican City, screaming, “I invented the Bible!”
  285. The only guy that could ever break my heart, my achy breaky heart, is Chuck Norris.
  286. Chuck Norris created a time machine to go back in time to fight Chuck Norris, his only true advisary.
  287. Chuck Norris was the 4th Wise Man and gave Jesus the gift of growing a beard. One that Jesus kept with him until his dying day.
  288. When you play Stairway to Heaven backwards it says Chuck Norris.
  289. Chuck Norris once roundhoused kicked 50 Cent to make change.
  290. The sinking of the titanic actuly accured when the ship ran into Chuck Norris on daily swim across the Alantic ocean.
  291. Chuck Norris walked into the gas station and asked the clerk for the biggest fountain soda they had, the clerk looked at chuck and said well we have a 100 once soda chuck ripped out the mans heart and proceded to eat it and grab a five gallon bucket from the back and filled it with diet coke.
  292. Chuck Norris invented the internet and roundhouse kicked Al Gore in the face.
  293. Chuck Norris dosn’t believe in guns. He dosn’t have to since his ejaculations travel at a speed at which light cant keep up with.
  294. Before he created earth, god created Chuck Norris
  295. Chuck Norris destroyed the Roman Empire after learning that it was the Romans that killed Jesus.
  296. The true secret to the Blitzcrieg’s success in Poland and France was Chuck Norris.
  297. It has become widely accepted by historians that Hitler lost his left testicle to Chuck Norris.
  298. The Nazis would have won if it wasn’t for Chuck Norris. Go Chuck!
  299. Lightning is created when friction from Chuck Norris’s beard create an electrical charge.
  300. Those who question Chuck Norris’s true existance shall recieve a roundhouse kick strait to hell.
  301. When at lost ask yourself, “What would Chuck Norris do.” Thats how Lincolin won the Civil War.
  302. When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, Chuck doesn’t get wet. The pool gets Chuck.
  303. When the Y2K was supposed to occur at the turn of the millenium, Chuck Norris scheduled a meeting with Bill Gates because he knew that he was the only one with the power to stop it. Bill Gates refused, and so Chuck Norris had no choice but to roundhouse-kick him in the face. Then Chuck Norris decided to contact the creator of The Family Guy television show so that he would make an episode that insulted Bill Gates. That episode hurt Bill Gates almost as much as the roundhouse-kick he received from Chuck Norris. Nothing hurts more than a roundhouse-kick. NOTHING.
  304. Katrina blew Chuck Norris
  305. Chuck Norris Often Knitts Sweaters, and when i say “knitt” i mean Rounhouse Kick. and when i say “sweaters” i mean little babies.
  306. Chuck Norris certainly does not smell what The Rock is cooking
  307. The acid in batteries is really just Chuck Norris’s sperm in a tiny little plastic case.
  308. to prove that cnacer was not that big of a deal Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years, he aquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes….. ha…. beat that lance armstrong
  309. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris
  310. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  311. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming that law and order are the names of his left and right bicepts
  312. When man was created Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked half of the black people, preceeding to kick the black off them, thus white people were created.
  313. Chuck Norris’ farts are responsible for global warming
  314. When Chuck Norris comes to the mall during christmas time, the real Santa comes to sit on Chuck’s lap.
  315. Chuck Norris can single-handedly hold up a whole samuri army by using only weapon: his eyes.
  316. Chuck Norris doesnt look at porn, porn looks at him.
  317. Chuck Norris knows exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
  318. When Chuck Norris eats a dictionary, he gets smarter.
  319. Chuck Norris eats bowls of children for breakfast, therefore helping to solve over crowding in the world
  320. When telemarketers call Chuck Noris at home, he tells them to go fuck their mothers and they always do out of fear.
  321. When Chuck Norris looks to the abyss the abyss never looks back.
  322. Chuck Norris ate a bear alive once.
  323. We are all descendants of Adam and Eve, and i we all know who they come from. That’s right, you guessed it: Chuck Norris.
  324. Chuck Norris knows the whole chinese alphabet, forwards and backwards.
  325. Chuck Norris will grind your bones to make his bread.
  326. Chuck Norris has gotten head from the Statue of Liberty and all four presidents on Mount Rushmore.
  327. Chuck Norris wipes his ass with porcupines.
  328. Splinter was made up, Chuck Norris really raised the Ninja Turtles.
  329. In the movie Armageddon Bruce Willis didnt really blow up the asteroid and save the Earth. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the fuck out of it and killed Bruce Willis in the process.
  330. Picture the hottest girl in the world……Chuck Norris has had sex with her 53 times.
  331. Christopher Reeve and Chuck Norris were riding horses and Chris said superman could kick Chuck’s ass because Chuck was a bitch. So Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him off the horse and paralyzed him.
  332. Chuck Norris has boned more chicks than Ron Jeremy and Bill Clinton combined.
  333. Chuck Norris made a special appearance on fight club. The entire cast was forced to wear brown pants in case they shit themselves during a fight scene.
  334. When Chuck Norris shaves his beard , he is forced to use a chain saw made for cutting petrified wood.
  335. Chuck Norris said viagra is for douches. He can satisfy Jenna Jameson with “his” limp pecker.
  336. Chuck Norris has volunteered himself to hunt down Osama Bin Laden and promised to drop kick his ass so hard Osama’s beard and turben will fly all the way across the Middle east.
  337. Chuck Norris is living proof that illegal drugs, when used in moderation, can give you superhuman powers.
  338. Suge Knight is not really in prison, he’s in a governmental protection program because Chuck Norris was a Tupac fan and threatened to roundhouse kick Suge in his big black ass.
  339. Chuck Norris has kicked so much ass that his feet have permanent shit stains on them.
  340. Chuck Norris’ dick is so big that he was advised by doctors to cut part of it off. Shortly thereafter the amputated penis rotted, turned brown, and began playing basketball on its own. Chuck named it Shaq.
  341. Chuck Norris didn’t invent the chicken or the chicken sandwich but he will still fuckin kick your ass.
  342. Cocaine didn’t kill Rick James, Chuck Norris ass fucked him into submission then forced him to say ” Chuck Norris is a hell of a drug”
  343. In old west executions instead of rope they used Chuck Norris’ cock to hang criminals
  344. Chuck Norris in the movie “Roundhouse Returns” beat up Stevan Seagal forcing him to say “uncle” Now Seagal is mentally impaired and still a shitty actor. Thank You Chuck Norris!
  345. After watching the rodney king assault on TV, Chuck Norris publically stated “Those cops don’t know shit about beating up niggers”
  346. Chuck Norris is not racist. He just hates niggers.
  347. Lindsay Lohan lost weight b/c Chuck Norris told her he doesn’t like thick bitches.
  348. Chuck Norris is secretly fucking Paris Hilton and Barbara Bush.
  349. If you think Chuck Norris’ facial hair is thick , you should see his ass crack.
  350. Chuck Norris has actually caught that waskuwy wabbit and doesnt give a shit about what you think.
  351. Chuck Norris goes on dates with all of our mothers while we’re not looking.
  352. Chuck Norris can ejaculate on command.
  353. When aliens landed on planet earth they said take me to your Chuck Norris
  354. When Chuck Norris falls in the water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet the water gets Chuck Norris
  355. When hitler said he wanted a perfect race he was saying that they should clone Chuck Norris and teach him german
  356. Chuck Norris told Billy Batts to get his fuckin shine box
  357. In the year 2020 Chuck Norris will collect taxes from every human being in the world, why you ask? Because the world ows Chuck Norris for his divine presence
  358. You can’t live above the influence because Chuck Norris is the Influence
  359. Chuck Norris never tried drugs drugs tried Chuck Norris
  360. Nobody can officially claim they invented steel whool its just processed remains of Chuck Norris’ daily beard trimmings.
  361. Chuck Norris once bumped into mike tyson and michael jackson on the red carpet at a world premeire of one of his early movies chuck having cat like reflexes immediately did a roundhouse kick which landed on both their faces thats why they both now sound like little girls, and till this day they both breakdown to tears at the mere sight of a beard.
  362. While once eating a diner a boy dropped a spoon. this caused Chuck Norris to kill everyone in the town
  363. Chuck Norris put a boy in a headlock because his hair was combed funny
  364. Chuck Norris once ate a house just to prove he could
  365. Chuck Norris once had cancer but cured himself by coughing up the tumor and buttering his toast with it
  366. Heroin is another word for Chuck Norris’ blood.
  367. Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  368. Jesus can walk on water, but Chunk Norris can walk on Jesus
  369. Chunk Norris can count to infinity…..twice
  370. Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping
  371. Osama Bin Ladin is Chuck Norris’ bitch
  372. When Chuck Norris uses steroids, the syringe grows muscles
  373. Chuck Norris dosen’t do push-ups. He push-downs.
  374. Chuck Norris put the ram in the ramalamdingdong
  375. The Ice age was ended when Chuck Norris farted and all the snow and ice melted
  376. Chuck Norris can win a lightsaber battle with Yoda, Vader AND Mace using just his finger
  377. The Red Sea parted for Moses because Chuck Norris threatened to roundhouse kick it if it didn’t.
  378. Pimps own bitches. Chuck Norris owns the pimps.
  379. The reason Star Wars ships can go lightspeed is because Chuck Norris is hanging on to the back, farting. All other ships that go lightspeed at the same time, have only done so because of the shockwaves from the blast.
  380. The reson the apocalypse hasn’t happened is because God is afraid to do it without Chuck Norris’ permission.
  381. A good friend of Chuck’s who lives in Asia once called him while he was shooting “Walker, Texas Ranger.” He then asked him if he wanted to come down and visit in two weeks. The response from Chuck Norris was simply, “I’m already there, Bob. I’m already there.”
  382. One day Chuck Norris was playing that game where you quickly and systematically stab between your fingers. However Chuck Norris’s stabs managed to tear little holes in the universe, and that’s why we have stars.
  383. Chuck Norris at Mexican food one time. He farted, and we now call that fart, the sun.
  384. Chuck Norris is made entirely out of the only element not on the periodic table, Chucknorium, which keeps the universe in balance.
  385. Chuck Norris drives to the moon in a zamboni once a year, that’s why we have winter.
  386. Chuck Norris wrote the entire internet while bored during a class on round-house kicks that he was teaching to China.
  387. As a kid, chuch Norris made a sandcastle once. We now call that sandcastle the great wall of China.
  388. When Chuck Norris rides a roller coaster, it screams.
  389. The only thing sharp enough to trim Chuck Norris’s beard is Chuck Norris’s teeth.
  390. Chuck Norris’s blood is lava.
  391. Chuck Norris can refuse an offer from the Godfather
  392. Chuck Norris doesn’t get sick, bacteria gets Chuck Norris
  393. Chuck Norris is the terror that flaps in the night
  394. Chuck Norris has a perfectly diversified portfolio
  395. Chuck Norris can draw a perfect circle…with both hands…at once…on toilet paper…underwater…using a brand new, never-sharpened pencil…with his eyes closed…for charity.
  396. Chuck Norris beat Donkey Kong Country with one life in less than an hour and he found everything.
  397. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a grizzly bear so hard that its hair turned white and it landed in the North Pole, that’s why we have polar bears.
  398. Chuck Norris only drinks coffee if its black and hot enough to melt steel
  399. Chuck Norris watched Titanic, The Lion King, Schindler’s List, My Girl, and Where the Red Fern grows all at once without crying.
  400. Chuck Norris and Mr.T once had a child. No they didn’t have sex with each other. Chuck had sex with some girl while Mr.T watched and jerked off. That child was named Wesley Snipes.
  401. Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure
  402. Chuck Norris once took down Luke Skywalker, The Justice League and Spiderman with one roundhouse kick.
  403. Chuck Norris has constucted his own lightsaber.
  404. Chuck Norris was supposed to be one of Palpatine’s clones in Dark Empire but the writers soon realized Palaptine would always win.
  405. Chuck Norris built the Death Star with a steel bar and a ball of string.
  406. Chuck Norris was the reason the Yuuzhan Vong didn’t takeover the Galaxy.
  407. Chuck Norris once roundhoused kicked George Lucas because he couldn’t be in a Star Wars film.

415 Comments

  1. Z said,

    September 19, 2005 at 12:22 am

    My chest hurts when i read this. I laughed so hard.

  2. chuck norris said,

    September 19, 2005 at 8:15 am

    IIt’s killing time.

  3. Ginny said,

    September 20, 2005 at 1:13 am

    Chuck Norris dosen’t need to swallow when eating food.

  4. unsuspect said,

    September 20, 2005 at 5:49 pm

    Chuck Norris can break wood with his penis.

  5. Ginny said,

    September 20, 2005 at 10:43 pm

    Chuck Norris can devide by Zero

  6. swingset said,

    September 23, 2005 at 8:35 am

    where in the hell did this originally come from?? please tell me that someone has a “real ultimate power” site dedicated to this.

  7. chris said,

    September 26, 2005 at 3:13 am

    Fuckin chuck norris

  8. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 12:56 am

    Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won’t trade any of them for anything.

  9. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 12:59 am

    If Superman and the Flash were to race to the egde of space you know who would win: Chuck Norris.

  10. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 12:59 am

    Chuck Norris puts the m’s on M&Ms.

  11. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 1:00 am

    Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.

  12. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 1:01 am

    Chuck Norris’ milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

  13. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 1:16 am

    Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

    The milkshake doesn’t bring Chuck Norris to the yard.

    Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

    Chuck Norris can burp the alphabet. Backwards.

    While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.

    Norris backwards is Sinnor, which is greek for asian whore.

    Chuck Norris was once accused of heresy by the Pope, but as it turns out, Chuck Norris is, in fact, the true son of god.

    In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

    Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

    Chuck Norris’ penis is considered a weapon of mass destrution.

    Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special olympics.

    CNN was originally the “Chuck Norris Network” but was later changed to a news station because the awesomeness of a Chuck Norris network kept blowing up satellites, TVs, and viewers’ eyeballs.

    The evolution theory states that everything evolved from one living being. Chuck Norris is that living being.

    Chuck Norris is where babies come from.

    Chuck Norris has been in every porn video since 1985.

    One day Chuck Norris was infact killed when he round house kicked someone in the face so hard that it shattered the universe. But in heaven, Chuck challenged God to an arm wrestling match. Chuck won, and the universe was reformed.

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

  14. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 1:16 am

    ***SNAP***
    this ones nasty:

    While walking on water in the Pacific Ocean, Chuck Norris ran into his friend Katrina, and she tried to seduce him. Chuck was not pleased about this, so he round house kicked her into New Orleans.

  15. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 1:26 am

    Chuck Norris knows how to cure AIDS, but will only reveal the solution if Ralph Macchio is publicly executed.

    Chuck Norris invented Viagra.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    Chuck Norris bends steel with his mind.

    Chuck Norris is the reason Jesus died.

    Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.

    Chuck Norris is not a vegetarian. He knows that extended periods of vegetarianism only lead to a multitude of small vaginas growing on your skin until you eventually become a giant pussy.

    Everytime you litter, Chuck Norris cries, then he’ll roundhouse kick your grandma.

    On the 7th day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over.

    Had the priests in “The Exorcist” just said, “The power of Chuck Norris compels you” instead of “The power of Christ compels you,” the movie would only have been about 30 seconds long.

    Everything tastes like chicken because its Chuck Norris’ favorite food.

  16. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 1:41 am

    Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

    Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

    Chuck Norris once had sex with a polar bear,with his orgasm he created the third ice-age, which is also known as the second coming of the robotic Vin Diesel.

    Rumour has it that the semen from Chuck Norris’ six-foot wang can cure leukemia, especially in small children.

    Chuck Norris pimped your ride.

    Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonaise in a week.

    Chuck Norris is German for “Whale’s Vagina”.

    Chuck Norris invented water.

    Chuck Norris is the leading cause of childhood obesity in America.

    Chuck Norris’s dick is so big, it has its own Dick. And Chuck Norris’s Dick’s dick is bigger than your dick.

    Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.

    Chuck Norris once boned the Mona Lisa, which is why she smiles.

    Chuck Norris smells like Jesus Christ.

    Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enoughm within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found em!’”

    The first rule of Chuck Norris is, you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

  17. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 1:42 am

    http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

  18. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 2:18 am

    One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it’s technical term: Jupiter.

  19. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 2:32 am

    Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venemous creature on Earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

    Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s father.

    Chuck Norris did not shoot the deputy or the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the crap out of both of them.

    Chuck Norris ate an entire wheel of cheese, then pooped in the refrigerator.

    Chuck Norris does not use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the acutal spelling of it.

    Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30 mile radius.

    Few people know that President Jimmy Carter appointed Chuck Norris as Secretary of Awesome in 1978. This cabinet level position was later rescinded in 1981 after Norris refused to give up his title.

    As well as being an actor, martial artist, and poet, Chuck Norris is also a world renowned physicist. It was in this capacity that he once had a disagreement about steady-state theory with Stephen Hawking. Hence the Wheelchair.

  20. Z said,

    September 27, 2005 at 2:33 am

    oh god i’m sorry about all the posts, they’re all too funny to leave.

  21. Link said,

    September 28, 2005 at 1:47 am

    Chuck Norris r0×0xz j00 b0×0rz

  22. Garrett said,

    September 29, 2005 at 1:26 am

    hahaha, I think I my spleen just ruptured from laughing so hard.

  23. MQ said,

    September 29, 2005 at 11:49 am

    It wasn’t actually Superman who spun the Earth backwards to go back in time - He got Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick it for him.

  24. MildTenacity.com said,

    September 30, 2005 at 9:09 am

    Kickin’ It With Chuck Norris

    This gem of a find comes courtesy of the guys over at Sandstorming.com (a great site that you can now find permanently in our links section). Some genius made a website where anyone can submit random facts about Chuck Norris. I easily killed two ful…

  25. thorino said,

    October 6, 2005 at 7:36 am

    holy fucking shit…. this is the funniest thing ive ever seen

  26. danny castro from charlestown said,

    October 24, 2005 at 7:00 am

    ive neva laffed so hard in my life

  27. insainty prawn boy said,

    October 26, 2005 at 2:22 am

    this iz the funnyest thing in the world iz there anymore of theses about a different guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. ipb said,

    October 26, 2005 at 6:47 am

    chuck norris singal handedly beat the gerbal prince at darts and and forched him to give him a tail

  29. Doc said,

    October 26, 2005 at 4:35 pm

    insainty prawn boy, yes there are two other Random Fact Generators that I know of.
    One is the Vin Diesel one: http://www.4q.cc/vin/
    and one is our very own Jack Thompson random fact generator: http://jthompson.sandstorming.com
    enjoy :)

  30. hitch said,

    October 27, 2005 at 2:37 am

    chuck norris once broke a pound coin in half with his bare hands

  31. bob said,

    October 27, 2005 at 2:38 am

    thiss is so fucin funny

  32. charls said,

    October 27, 2005 at 2:39 am

    chuck norris likes pens

  33. jj said,

    October 27, 2005 at 2:39 am

    I have a new addition 2 your crazy chuck norris things “chuck norris knocked down the great wall of china with a regurgitated pound coin”.

  34. max said,

    October 29, 2005 at 5:17 am

    some of the most funniest shit ever

  35. Elmono said,

    November 2, 2005 at 12:24 am

    Filming of texas ranger has not occurred as he isworking on breaking mr t record of destorying 1 billion skelteons carrying swords. there may be no skelton warririors when Kevin Sorbo makes his attempt next year

  36. FenderStrat said,

    November 2, 2005 at 7:53 am

    Chuck Norris Taught the beaver how to chew through trees

  37. paul said,

    November 4, 2005 at 1:19 am

    chuck norris enjoyed vietnam and went back recently to restart the war as he felt he hadnt tried hard enough the last time.

  38. J said,

    November 4, 2005 at 2:16 am

    I dont know why all these people talk shit on Chuck Norris he would roundhouse kick the shit out of all of you

  39. Jon said,

    November 4, 2005 at 2:19 am

    Chuck Norris would show hudock where the bear went through the buckwheat

  40. Jucha said,

    November 4, 2005 at 2:22 am

    Chuck Norris hates Mini vans

  41. lubes said,

    November 4, 2005 at 3:08 am

    guns dont kill people chuck norris’s roundhouse kicks to the face kill people

    chuck norris’s favorite beer is MGD

    Chuck Norris taught jesus to turn water into wine

    I bet if chuck norris went to the middle east he would find Osama in a half an hour with commercial breaks. and thats where the rangers gonna be

  42. mark said,

    November 4, 2005 at 3:14 am

    Who would win in a fight Chuck Norris or A hurricane? But what if the hurricane’s name was Chuck Norris? think about that

  43. FenderStrat said,

    November 5, 2005 at 11:40 am

    Chuck Norris IS a hurricane

  44. Me said,

    November 5, 2005 at 1:02 pm

    All your base are belong to Chuck Norris

  45. anthony said,

    November 6, 2005 at 1:40 pm

    the only problem i have with that site is that i think the moderator actually has a tendency to sometimes take facts people in and rewrite them slightly, then enter them himself. i had a fact “little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. chuck norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with his gaze.” one that actually appeared on the site, and has about as many votes as id expect mind to have by this point is “little kids enjoy lighting little kids on fire with magnifying glasses. chuck norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. scientists have not yet figured out how to explain how he did this.”

  46. Chuck Norris 4 Prez said,

    November 6, 2005 at 5:07 pm

    why hasn’t chuck norris run for president? he would be a lock for the best president of all time.

  47. Tyler said,

    November 8, 2005 at 8:06 am

    Chuck Norris: Knock Knock

    You: Who’s there?

    *Roundhouse kick*

    Chuck Norris: Never question Chuck Norris!

  48. Krazymandt said,

    November 10, 2005 at 2:37 am

    Life handed Chuck Norris shit and he made Lemonade

  49. Bplaya888 said,

    November 10, 2005 at 2:32 pm

    hahaha this is fucking hilarious

  50. kodiak393 said,

    November 10, 2005 at 3:56 pm

    Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.

  51. Webbie said,

    November 11, 2005 at 7:52 am

    Im hooked on Norris

  52. Aaron Alex Mooney said,

    November 11, 2005 at 8:07 am

    The idea for Walker Texas Ranger, first came to Chuck amidst a slaughter in a guyanese rub’ n ‘tug, after an attendant had attempted to give him a happy ending, after disembowling the beligerant whore, Chuck wiped her fresh let blood from his lips and said, “Only Chuck Norris can touch Chuck Norris there.”

    Chuck Norris was once in a wet t-shirt contest with Bruce Willis, Dave Navarro, and Axl Rose, he placed 2nd, sending him into a blinding fit of white hot roundhouse kicks, and to this day, is the only human being to execute enough consecutive roundhouse kicks to actually alter the orbit of the planet, inevitably sending earth careening into the sun.Oh, Chuck.

    Chuck Norris was knee deep in the freshly massacred corpses of the innocent, when the inkling struck him to defile a virgin, finding none in sight, he proceeded to rapidly fornicate himself with a flurry of roundhouse kicks, until he ejactulated an impressive stream of Chuck-Butter into the atmosphere, causing the hole in the Ozone.

    Chuck Norris likes Smart Food.

    when Chuck Norris was in the fourth grade, the teacher asked him to go up for show & tell, silently, he walked to the front of the class, thereafter removing a live marmet from his tight wrangler jeans, cradling the creature lovingly, he then proceeded to squeeze the animals tiny face until the eyeballs of the defensless creature oozed forth in a manner reminiscent of expired mayonaise being forced through a keyhole. when asked why he did this, Chuck Norris responded “Fuck you Ho, I Chuck Norris, Y’all Best Know Dat.” he then proceeded to bomb croatia.

    Chuck Norris.

  53. Matt said,

    November 11, 2005 at 8:08 am

    Chuck Norris knows what Marf Means

  54. Adam Johnson said,

    November 12, 2005 at 8:38 pm

    If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, and it would sweep the Grammies. When asked why he doesn’t do this, Chuck would reply, “Because Grammies are for queers.” He then would eat a knife to show the seriousness of his response

  55. Adam Johnson said,

    November 12, 2005 at 8:50 pm

    Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loaded gun, and wins!

  56. dave said,

    November 13, 2005 at 10:08 am

    Chuck Norris is illegal in seven countries

  57. Brian said,

    November 15, 2005 at 2:48 pm

    Chuck Norris is has put 30 species on the endangered list just by thinking about them when he goes to the bathroom.

  58. Carl said,

    November 17, 2005 at 6:16 pm

    Chuck norris once folded a dollar in half, and then folded that into a half again. He did this seven times. Then he tore it. With his bare hands.

  59. Big Foot said,

    November 17, 2005 at 9:41 pm

    You want to know really happened to Big Foot, Well one day i was walking along the wood when i saw chuck norris chopping down whole trees just by karate chopping them. When i asked him how he did thishe did not respond, he simply roundhouse kicked me in the face so hard i was instantly sent to the twlight zone and have been there ever since.

  60. saus king said,

    November 18, 2005 at 7:53 am

    10:23 Chuck Norris does 43 round house kicks in front of a mirror nude and yells “chuckys going deep tonight”

  61. Thugacation said,

    November 18, 2005 at 2:47 pm

    Funny crap yo I was like crying when I read this except one thing: it’s WINDMILL kick, not ROUNDHOUSE kick. Otherwise, this is some of the funniest crap I’ve ever read.

  62. Richard said,

    November 19, 2005 at 12:29 am

    Chuck norris is suing burger king because they wouldn’t put barbed wire on his whopper. His side is, “the saying goes, have it your way.” He later round house kicked the building into the solar system. Legend has it that it is still orbiting the sun.

  63. richard said,

    November 19, 2005 at 12:51 am

    chuck norris round house kicked your mother.

  64. richard said,

    November 19, 2005 at 12:53 am

    chuck norris defeated germany in world war two, and Hitler didn’t kill himself. Chuck norris roundhouse kicked a hole through his head.

  65. richard said,

    November 19, 2005 at 12:54 am

    chuck norris roundhouse kicked mr. t. The kick exploded, thus forming the all holy, VIN DIESEL.

  66. richard said,

    November 19, 2005 at 12:55 am

    chuck norris accompanied his wife during child birth. She said, “get this baby out of me!” so chuck norris punched a hole in her stomach and ate the baby.

  67. richard said,

    November 19, 2005 at 12:57 am

    chuck norris once got in a fight that lasted two months with jackie chan. They eventually decided it was a draw. Vin Diesel than appeared, and roundhouse kicked chuck norris in the face, thus emerging the hidden mr. t

  68. Spinky said,

    November 19, 2005 at 4:38 pm

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked his own shadow, killing it instantly

  69. THE TRIPOD said,

    November 19, 2005 at 4:54 pm

    Chuck Norris has hands made of bunnytails.

    Chuck Norris dreams in awesome.

    Chuck Norris puts the “x” in xylophone.

    The universe revolves around Chuck Norris’s abs.

    Chuck Norris marks his territory by laying his flacid penis on strangers couches as he enters the room. When asked why he does this, he smiles, laughs, and blows a load in the host’s face.

    When Chuck Norris was asked how he saves the dolphins, he simply replied ” i eat tuna and shit dolphins you fuck.” The next day he made a halmark card of the event. it was later taken off the market because the yearly meassuring of round house kicks went up one thousand percent.

    On the fifth day of Christmas, Chuck Norris got five golden roundhouse kicks.

    On Halloween, Chuck Norris scares children and collects their fear to fuel his cyber-netic core.

    At the USA Roundhouse Convention, Bruce Lee roundhoused a baby. Watching this, Chuck Norris smelled the kick and said, “This is a good year.”

    Chuck Norris is the reason dinosaurs are extinct.

    Chuck Norris only cleans himself like a cat. Rough tounge. It feels really great.

    Chuck Norris has a dong like a swollen horse.

    He is my dad.

    He only feels turned on in ice baths with his siblings

    When Chuck Norris is naked, his inner radiance wil blind you.

    Chuck Norris is the only man that will NOT save money on car insurance by switching to gieco.

    Chuck Norris is a Keanu Reeves buff and impresses people at diners with Keanu trivia when playing measely human games.

    Chuck Norris only yells “Chuck Norris” at concerts when everyone else is yelling “Freebird”

    Chuck Norris snorts vitamin C

    He told me not to say that.

    Chuck Norris only eats the skin of the cowardly.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t even get cold, he gets even.

    When asked how he is, Chuck Norris replies, “Fast”

    If Chuck Norris were a bunny he would be the Easter Bunny becuase it is the biggest bunny of them all…….Bunny…………..

  70. Hannibal Lecter said,

    November 20, 2005 at 3:10 pm

    The only thing better than this website is Chuck Norris.

  71. natalie said,

    November 20, 2005 at 4:38 pm

    Bruce Lee fucked Chuck Norris in the ass, and Chuck liked it

  72. Trip said,

    November 21, 2005 at 12:49 pm

    when the wheel was invented, chuck norris roundhouse kicked the inventor and invented himself.

  73. Trip said,

    November 21, 2005 at 12:56 pm

    every case of sodomy, ever, Chuck Norris was guilty of.

  74. T-Mac said,

    November 22, 2005 at 2:51 am

    Hitler didn’t die in Germany, he died in Chuck Norris’ basement….and his dog, well, that is now a car seat cover on Chuck’s landrover.

  75. Rob said,

    November 22, 2005 at 9:55 am

    Chuck Norris is writing a book about recent experiences - He calls it
    “Around the World in 80 milliseconds”

  76. Ray said,

    November 22, 2005 at 12:25 pm

    Chuck Norris taught himself to fly with repeated round house kicks and unhumanly powerful groin thrusts. His massive erection doubles as a rudder, and his jeans tighten to warn him of danger.

  77. mike said,

    November 23, 2005 at 10:27 am

    chuck norris invented water

  78. Mikey said,

    November 23, 2005 at 10:56 am

    Chuck Norris Lost His Virginity Before His Dad Did

    CBC

  79. fuk off said,

    November 23, 2005 at 11:23 am

    GET A FUCKING LIFE. CHUCK NORRIS BLOWS COCK AND SO DO ALL OF YOU. FUCKING HANG YOURSELFS. WHY DO YOU ALL HAVE A HOMOSEXUAL ATTRACTION TO CHUCK NORRIS? FUCKING QUEERS

  80. Deco said,

    November 23, 2005 at 11:41 am

    Chuck Norris commits suicide every morning before breakfast. Serious! When people ask him how he’s still alive he slashes his wrists with a 12″ blade and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

  81. Deco said,

    November 23, 2005 at 11:43 am

    Chuck Noris doesn’t do drugs he gets stoned just by thinking about Maui

  82. Rob J said,

    November 23, 2005 at 12:12 pm

    Chuck Norris can cure cancer by beating it out of you

  83. fuk off said,

    November 24, 2005 at 4:26 am

    which one of u fags go to cbc? i know mikey does.

  84. adu said,

    November 24, 2005 at 10:51 am

    Chuck Norris once met Bill Brasky, they bare a striking resembelance

  85. Fucker said,

    November 25, 2005 at 3:19 am

    Eve ate the forbidden apple, Chuck Norris the snake.

  86. Fucker said,

    November 25, 2005 at 3:24 am

    When God finally asked to Abraham not to kill his son, Chuck Norris did.

    This one is priceless:

    When God said “Let there be light”, Chuck Norris said “Say please”.

  87. thatsme said,

    November 26, 2005 at 2:59 pm

    Terrorists did not fly planes into the world trade center, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them.

    Chuck Norris once fought God, and roundhouse kicked him so hard it caused the big bang.

    Chuck Norris’s right testicle is often mistaken for the moon.

    Chuck Norris blew up the Death Star.

    When Bill Gates approached Chuck Norris asking “I made Microsoft, what did you do?” Chuck Norris proceeded to roundhousekick him into oblivion and invented the internet.

    All the “lost” civilizations are no longer here because Chuck Norris lives.

    Chuck Norris was every American president up to Bill Clinton. At that point he roundhousekicked himself out of office.

    Chuck Norris eats coal and shits diamonds.

    The song “Brick House” was actually about Chuck Norris’s abs.

    Spontaneous combustion is actually a result of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking a person.

  88. Cptn said,

    November 26, 2005 at 3:25 pm

    Every time a Republican opens their mouth, Chuck Norris aborts a baby.

    When there’s no more room in hell, Chuck Norris will still walk the earth.

    Chuck Norris invented fire when he once masturbated fiercely.

    Chuck Norris is the terminator. Not some pussy politician girly man.

    Mount Everest is actually the result of Chuck Norris eating a burrito.

    Contrary to popular belief, King Kong did not climb the Empire state building. That was Chuck Norris’s penis.

    “Back In Black” was actually about Chuck Norris coming back from the tanning salon.

    Chuck Norris does not use a tanning salon, Chuck Norris just looks at himself in the mirror.

    Chuck Norris does not believe in luck, Chuck Norris decides the fate of everyone.

    Chuck Norris combined all 365 days of the year into one day, and it is known as Chuck Norris Day.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked John Lennon when The Beatles would not write a song called “Happiness Is Chuck Norris.” That was the last time the world saw Lennon.

    “Lost in the Bermuda Triangle” is the scientific phrase used when a person is roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris once had a baby. The world called it “God”.

    Even Chuck Norris wonders why the wheel in the sky keeps on turning.

    Chuck Norris once pulled his penis off and used it to sword-fight God.

    Chuck Norris does not give a fuck who Mike Jones is.

    Dinosaurs are extinct because Chuck Norris woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

    Chuck Norris had you at hello.

  89. Pat n Snake said,

    November 26, 2005 at 3:31 pm

    Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or God?
    Trick question, Chuck Norris is God.

  90. Cptn said,

    November 26, 2005 at 3:47 pm

    Fear can hold you prisoner. Only Chuck Norris can set you free.

    When life gives him lemons, Chuck Norris humps volcanoes.

    Chuck Norris fought every war in history under the nickname, “the military”.

    Chuck Norris did not lose Vietnam, he left when he ran out of hookers.

    Chuck Norris loves the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like, breakfast.

    Ever seen the movie The Professional? They deleted the scene where Chuck Norris killed him.

  91. Rudy n Snake said,

    November 26, 2005 at 3:50 pm

    Chuck Norris could turn Ron Jeremy gay.

    During the 1991 superbowl, Scott Norwood’s fieldgoal was about to go through the uprights and the bills would have won, but Chuck Norris was in the crowd and sneezed, causing the ball to go wide right.

  92. Cptn said,

    November 27, 2005 at 11:54 am

    Charles Bronson is dead.
    Chuck Norris isn’t.
    We see who won that fight.

  93. zike said,

    November 29, 2005 at 7:33 pm

    One day, Chuck Norris and Bill Brasky were about to fight. However, right before the first punch was thrown, every first born son in Egypt dropped dead. Before the rest of the world could follow suit, Norris and Brasky called the whole thing off. When Bill Brasky began to walk away from the fight, Chuck Norris attempted to roundhouse kick him in the spine. Brasky sensed this and moved out of the way. Disturbed that Brasky had known his plan, Chuck Norris decided to kill the most important man he could think of. This is how Jesus died.

  94. Clay said,

    December 1, 2005 at 1:06 pm

    Chuck Norris has no face. He, mistakingly, looked in the mirror in 1984 & had an immediate flurry of roundhouse kicks to his (once astonishing) mug. What you see today is a meer, rugged disguise to confuse the ninjas out to kill him (even though he’s really not afraid of them. He’s just waiting for the right moment to attack).

  95. Spencer said,

    December 1, 2005 at 8:40 pm

    Once Chuck Norris had a stomach ache, he immediately disemboweled himself and roundhouse kicked all his internal organs to Africa which ended a famine.
    He then replaced them with depleted uranium and generates more energy than the Sun.

  96. Stezza said,

    December 1, 2005 at 9:35 pm

    If you can hear Chuck Norris Breathing, then Chuck Norris can hear you breathing and if you hear Chuck Norris breathing then you’re seconds away from a roundhouse kick to the face and instant paralysis.

  97. Spencer said,

    December 1, 2005 at 9:59 pm

    Chuck Norris once lost a pube whilst crossing a road in Paris, a Mercedes crashed into it killing Princess Di, Dodi and Driver instantly.

  98. Stephen said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:01 pm

    You’re an orrible cunt

  99. Stephen said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:14 pm

    If you stared at Chuck Norris’s ringpeice for longer than ten seconds would go blind and recieve third degree burns, as the Sun actually shines through his arse.

  100. Johnny B said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:16 pm

    Chuck Norris was actually present during the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center as he was having a quiet coffee in a restaurant in the foyer and talking to anyone who would listen about his time as six times World Karate Champion. As the planes hit the tower Chuck was calmly holding the front doors open to allow everyone to escape, but he became annoyed that no-one was giving him the common courtesy of saying thank you. All this became too much for Chuck as thoughts of his own safety were replaced by thoughts of attack! One roundhouse kick to the face later sent an unfortunate businessman crashing through the concrete supports of BOTH towers. As these mighty monoliths came crashing down amid screams of “Why chuck, why???” the only thing he needed to do was make a wry grin to the watching world and calmly continue his coffee after removing the film of dust with a swift karate chop. He knew what he did was right…. and everyone else knew that too!

  101. Spencer "I am Chuck" said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:16 pm

    Chuck Norris rounhouse kicked himself in the face, creating two mini Chucks who now roundhouse kick nuns and priests for a giggle

  102. Steve "Chuck"les said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:20 pm

    The only reason Jesus lives is because Chuck Norris wants it that way

  103. Johnny B said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:21 pm

    To pass the time on lazy sundays Chuck Norris will go down to the local shelter, pick up some homeless guys, tie the long hair on their heads to the short hair on their arses and roundhouse kick them down the street

  104. Spencer said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:22 pm

    Chuck Norris’s poo is what they smear on Stealth bombers to make them radar invisible

  105. Johnny B said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:23 pm

    Chuck Norris knows the real reason why men have nipples

  106. Johnny B said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:24 pm

    Chuck Norris hates midgets and dwarves so is currenty developing a special low roundhouse kick just for them

  107. Johnny B said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:26 pm

    Chuck Norris can kill a dog in seven different ways, four of which involve throwing missiles at it

  108. Spencer said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:28 pm

    The rings around Saturn are made up entirely from peoples teeth that Chuck Norris had roundhouse kicked into space.

  109. Spencer said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:33 pm

    Chuck Norris can watch a DVD by holding it up to the light.

  110. Stephen said,

    December 1, 2005 at 10:37 pm

    Chuck Norris once went to a school to give a presentation on Martial Arts and preach his old oriental warrior-like teachings. Such was the presentation that he forgot who he was teaching and proceeded to roundhouse kick every one of the 200 pupils in the room, he then went on to roundhouse kick all the teachers also. This disaster is more commonly known as the Dunblane Massacre.

  111. stups said,

    December 2, 2005 at 1:10 am

    chuck norris doesnt get pedicures.. he simply roundhouse kicks cement walls repeatedly

  112. fraggot said,

    December 2, 2005 at 12:16 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t live. He simply is.

  113. Jester X said,

    December 2, 2005 at 3:59 pm

    The lyric from the Walker Texas Ranger that’ states “When your in texas, look behind you, for that’s where the ranger’s gonna be” Actually refers to the size of Chuck Norris Gentals being able to simultaneously be everywhere, implyiing total supervision of the entire state.

  114. Big bad Bob said,

    December 2, 2005 at 10:06 pm

    Chuck Norris’s bollocks are so dense that his entire scrotum can bend light

  115. Chuck Key said,

    December 2, 2005 at 10:27 pm

    NEWS FLASH

    Chuck Norris was photographed earlier having sex with a donkey.

  116. Geldophs knob said,

    December 2, 2005 at 10:29 pm

    Ants can lift 50 times there own weight - thats nowt, Chuck can lift 200 times and proved this b doing a press up with the entire London Philamonic Orchestra on his back. Thinking the conductor had a bad case of Parkinson’s disease Chuck roundhouse kicked both his arms off as a favour.

  117. Chuck Key said,

    December 2, 2005 at 10:36 pm

    If you laid all of Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kicks end to end they would go round the world four times and than cave your skull in.

  118. Chuck Key said,

    December 2, 2005 at 10:38 pm

    NEWSFLASH

    Chuck Norris, today broke a world record by roundhouse Kicking his way around the globe.

  119. Geldophs knob said,

    December 2, 2005 at 10:40 pm

    Heroin is actually made from Chuck Norris’s dandruff.

  120. Tina said,

    December 2, 2005 at 10:46 pm

    If you re-arrange the letters in Chuck Norris, add a few and take some away you can spell the word awesome cock.

  121. Oh Yeah said,

    December 3, 2005 at 12:47 pm

    There is no Santa Clause. Every woman was screwed by Chuck sooner than later, so every child is his. One day a year he visits them. The bad kids get there t.v smashed so they can’t watch ‘Walker Texas Ranger’, the good kids get roundhoused in the head.

  122. randy said,

    December 4, 2005 at 4:52 am

    chuck norris doesnt pull the trigger, he roundhouse kicks you in the face

  123. randy said,

    December 4, 2005 at 4:54 am

    chuck norris gets drunk through osmosis

  124. randy said,

    December 4, 2005 at 4:54 am

    chuck norrris kicked lee corso and the entire BCS in the face…..at the same time

  125. randy said,

    December 4, 2005 at 4:56 am

    Chuck norris gave birth to john cusack

  126. randy said,

    December 4, 2005 at 4:56 am

    the tides are created be chuck norris’ roundhouse kicks to defensless niggers

  127. randy said,

    December 4, 2005 at 4:57 am

    that one is fuckin great

  128. randy said,

    December 4, 2005 at 5:00 am

    “fuck off” why are you on this website then?

  129. russell said,

    December 4, 2005 at 6:30 am

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a hankerchief under his pillow. In case there’s a burglary, he blindfolds himself to make the ensuing fight somewhat fair.

    Chuck Norris takes his coffee black with only a few drops of Vietnamese blood.

    Since Chuck Norris can piss bullets and crap fire, his supply list for a camping trip only consists of prune juice and diet coke.

  130. Greg Vaughn said,

    December 6, 2005 at 2:56 pm

    The DVD extra for “Texas Ranger” is “Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse Kick Gallery” and it spans 129 discs.

  131. Greg Vaughn said,

    December 6, 2005 at 2:57 pm

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

  132. chuck said,

    December 7, 2005 at 1:14 am

    Chuck Norris can pee upwitnd threw a hurrucane and stay dry

  133. chuck dawg said,

    December 7, 2005 at 1:18 am

    Chuck Norris aka Chuck Dawg can lick his own privates

  134. FLEXo said,

    December 7, 2005 at 5:53 am

    The beard of Chuck Norris is actually made out of the same top secret meterial that only US and UK tanks are made out of.

  135. FLEXo said,

    December 7, 2005 at 6:02 am

    The reason why Mr. Deeds foot is black is because he a temped to block a Roundhouse from Chuck Nizzle.

    I can call him that because were boys.

    err
    well a friend of mine is good friends with him.

    no, no. but you can imagin what that would be like.

  136. Ryan said,

    December 7, 2005 at 5:24 pm

    Chuck Norris seamlessly integrates audio-visual equipment…and roundhouse kicks good reception into televisions.

  137. Logan said,

    December 7, 2005 at 5:27 pm

    Chuck Norris eats broccoli in order to balance the normally ambrosia-like flavor of his semen with a more acidic taste, creating a substance which can only be likened to pure euphoria. He then consumes this semen as a protein drink after roundhouse kicking Condoliza Rice in the face on Tuesdays.

  138. NGill said,

    December 8, 2005 at 7:22 am

    There is no such thing as dejavu. Somewhere on earth, Chuck Norris has just performed a roundhouse kick so fast that it caused a rip in the space/time continuum, sending you back in time for a brief moment to relive an occurance that has already taken place.

  139. NGill said,

    December 8, 2005 at 8:00 am

    If you watch the fight scenes in ‘The Matrix’ at half speed on your dvd player while listening to the theme music for Night Rider, you’ll notice that Chuck Norris performed ALL the stunts. This also works with the theme music for Miami Vice.

  140. NGill said,

    December 8, 2005 at 8:05 am

    RIP Christopher Reeves, but c’mon well all know that it wasn’t a horseback riding accident that paralyzed him. Lets just put it this way……you’ll never hear Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, or George Clooney telling Chuck that Batman can beat Walker Texas Ranger!!

  141. Justin Soisson said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:08 am

    Chuck Norris is kewl!!

  142. Dennis Bamford said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:10 am

    Chuck norris is the reason why jello jiggles

  143. Brandon Cassel said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:11 am

    The only reason why there was no war during the cold war was because america had Chuck Norris.

  144. Justin Soisson said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:13 am

    that one was from me and i didnt say number 141 that was someone else

  145. Charlie Hazzard said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:14 am

    Chuck norris will round house kick Justin Soisson’s nuts off

  146. Justin Soisson said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:14 am

    There is no wheaties for breakfast because wheaties are really Chuck Norris’s finger nails

  147. Justin Soisson said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:17 am

    In 20,000 leagues under the sea, it wasnt no big squid it was chuck norris searching for really big oysters with out any diving gear on

  148. Charlie Hazzard said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:18 am

    Chuck norris likes Atralen

  149. Justin Soisson said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:18 am

    Chuck Norris is really Zeus

  150. Dennis Bamford said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:18 am

    Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked Justin and Charlie Right in the face.. They both died and chuck norris’s penis increased to 23″

  151. Justin Soisson said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:20 am

    Who’s nick defebo? Chuck Norris is the best snowboarder ever. He uses his penis as the board and goes without any coat on because his hairy body gives off so much heat the snow melts

  152. N?A said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:20 am

    If chuck norris roundhouse kicked Jution Soisson he would turn from gay to strait

  153. Justin Soisson said,

    December 8, 2005 at 11:21 am

    If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked me in my rear, my penis would grow!

  154. Joe said,

    December 8, 2005 at 3:20 pm

    Chuck Norris inserts vowels by roundhouse kicking them into place

  155. Joe said,

    December 8, 2005 at 3:27 pm

    Ever see the movie the butterfly effect? Well it was originally the chuck norris effect.

  156. BigMan said,

    December 8, 2005 at 5:14 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear sunglasses, he simply roundhouse kicks the clouds in front of the sun when it’s too sunny.

    Its not the US invasion of Iraq, it’s the Chuck Norris invasion of Iraq

    The reason there are so many suicide bombers is because it is used as a last resort defense tactic before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks them.

    The only real weapon of mass destruction is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a 105mph fastball 500feet.

    Chuck Norris really scored the famous goal in the 1972 summit series for Team Canada. That’s why Paul Henderson is not in the hockey hall of fame, and Chuck is.

    Chuck Norris can’t disagree with Don Cherry; he just stares at his suit.

    The real reason Steve Moore was hospitalized was because he received a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the neck. The whole Todd Bertuzzi incident was because it happened on live TV so fast and nobody saw Chuck.

    Who is Chuck Norris you ask? He is the one to your left roundhouse kicking you in the head.

    Nobody mugs Chuck Norris because it simply can’t be done. Plus you risk he might mug you and roundhouse kick you.

    Chuck Norris must spar with himself to keep in shape. He has no competition.

    Lance Armstrong has only won 7 Tour de France’s because Chuck Norris hasn’t tried to stop him.

    Athletes only take performance enhancing drugs out of pure fear of someday possibly facing Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris has two rules, one no Asian Chicks, and two especially no fat Asian chicks.

    The Devil gave Chuck Norris’s soul back in exchange for just a normal kick to the head. Chuck Norris still ended up Roundhouse Kicking him.

    Chuck Norris’s hero is the man show kid, sometimes he picks up chicks with the kid too.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a beer fridge, he can simply roundhouse kick a keg of beer to perfect serving temperature.

    Chuck Norris defeated Godzilla in 1.23 seconds. The rest was just Hollywood.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t like hip-hop music, He can’t understand what they are saying so he just sits and stares.

    Chuck Norris turns on the lights by opening his eyes.

    When Chuck Norris farts the terror alert gets raised a level for fear of a biological attack.

    If there is a WW3 it will only be when Chuck Norris decides to come out of retirement.

    Chuck Norris biggest dilemma yet is that of the cat who keeps coming back the very next day despite 365 roundhouse kicks per year since it was a kitten. It’s still alive.

    Chuck Norris is not a racist, he just doesn’t like you.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t like you, its becasue you smell like someone who is going to get a roundhouse kick to the head.

    Vote for Pedro if you want two roundhouse kicks to the head, vote for Chuck Norris if you want one.

    If Chuck Norris hears you say “that’s hot” like Paris Hilton says it, you die, just like that. If he hears you say it normaly you just get a roundhouse kick to the head which will kill you, just like that.

    Tom Cruise is not really dating Katie Holmes. Chuck Norris is. It’s just a cover up because Tom is gay and Chuck is a lot older than Tom.

    Ever wonder what happened to the second gunman on the grassy nole? Don’t worry about it, Chuck Norris had his reasons.

    Chuck Norris offers you his protection through a silent friendship.

    Only Neapolitan dynamite can beat Chuck Norris at tetherball. That’s only if Chuck plays without using his roundhouse kick. Otherwise it is always a draw.

  157. BigMan said,

    December 8, 2005 at 5:31 pm

    If you ask Chuck Norris if he wants to smoke a joint he will just sit and stare at you, if you ask him again he will roundhouse kick you to the face and sit back down and keep staring. He is probably practicing his star gazing and you shouldn’t have interrupted him.

  158. Simit said,

    December 9, 2005 at 9:51 am

    Chuck Norris once had a threesome with Oprah and Lucy Lu. 9 days later a Golden child was born with magnified Chuck Norris abilities as well as the ability to fly.

  159. Simit said,

    December 9, 2005 at 9:54 am

    The child was aptly named “Harpo” and will soon have his own reality TV show.

  160. Greatness said,

    December 11, 2005 at 5:34 am

    Chuck Norris Da Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  161. Alex P (ben eats it) said,

    December 11, 2005 at 9:47 am

    Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen San Diego is.

    The 1986 World Series was a result of Chuck Norris staring at Billy Buckner really hard.

  162. Alex P (ben eats it) said,

    December 11, 2005 at 9:52 am

    If you try to photograph chuck norris all you get is a black picture

  163. Alex P said,

    December 11, 2005 at 10:22 am

    The leaning tower of pizza is leaning as result of Chuck Norris staring at it.

    Chuck Norris really ran the first Sub-4 Minute Mile. Backwards.

    The “Venus de Milo” statue has no arms because Chuck Norris didn’t like it and roundhouse kicked it.

    Chuck Norris once skipped a rock accross the Pacific Ocean. Left-handed.

    Chuck Norris can hold his breath underwater for 7 hours.

    Chuck Norris does not own a stove. He simply breaths fire on his meals.

    Chuck Norris has a gold medal in every event in the Olympics, even gymnastics by which he roundhouse kicked all his opponents to death and then did a summersalt.

    Chuck Norris was the main reason for the fall of the Roman Empire…Chuck Norris doesn’t like togas.

    The Colossus of Rhodes did not break in an Earthquake. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.

    Chuck Norris constructed stonehenge.

    After writing all of these I claimed to be the greatest Chuck Norris joke writer of all time, upon which saying I was roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris for saying that anything or anyone in the known Universe is the best besides himself.

  164. sweet face said,

    December 11, 2005 at 12:38 pm

    Chuck Norris can kill a man 20 different ways. All of which include an infant and some sort of scream powered sling-shot.

  165. sweet face said,

    December 11, 2005 at 12:40 pm

    If the world saw Chuck Norris’ true form, all would be undone and Stephan Segal would turn gay.

  166. sweet face said,

    December 11, 2005 at 12:40 pm

    Well.. gay-er.

  167. sweet face said,

    December 11, 2005 at 12:43 pm

    A blind man was cured when Chuck Norris replaced his eyes with a goats penis. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the man in the temple. He then screamed, “A penis cures blindness, but a roundhouse kick is forever!”

  168. sweet face said,

    December 11, 2005 at 12:45 pm

    Chuck Norris defys every law of nature. Even the ones created by Chuck Norris.

  169. sweet face said,

    December 11, 2005 at 12:46 pm

    One day, Chuck Norris once passed a kidney stone. That stone is now called, Celine Dion.

  170. Alex P said,

    December 12, 2005 at 9:04 am

    people who are afraid of the dark aren’t really afraid of the dark…they are afriad that chuck norris is in it

  171. Kali said,

    December 13, 2005 at 7:37 am

    Here is my fave of all time:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t shave, he just roundhouse kicks himself in the face.

    Because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

  172. flux sluts said,

    December 13, 2005 at 11:17 pm

    Chuck Norris doesn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.

    Chuck Norris can be lovers even if he cant be friends.

  173. flux sluts said,

    December 14, 2005 at 12:24 am

    Chuck Norris was responsible for 96% of illegal immigrants in the U.S last year. Authorities found that he was smuggling in large families under his foreskin and ordered an emergency circumsicion. It took 10 surgeons 3 days to remove the foreskin. Chuck was then ordered to roundhouse kick the skin into space and it is believed that Chucks’ hood was responsible for the last solar eclipse.

    Chuck Norris invented Halloween, This way he gets to give his treat to all the kids. After an underage session of suprise sex he coined the phrase ‘old enough to bleed, old enough to butcher’.

  174. flux sluts said,

    December 14, 2005 at 2:56 am

    Chuck Norris can touch this

    And he most certainly too legit to quit

  175. flux sluts said,

    December 14, 2005 at 3:03 am

    LAST CHRISTMAS CHUCK GAVE YOU HIS HEART AND THE VERY NEXT DAY HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED YOU IN THE FACE AND TOOK IT AWAY !!

  176. Legend said,

    December 14, 2005 at 8:33 am

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee…This has nothing to do with his ancestory…The man ate a fucking indian.

  177. Dustin said,

    December 15, 2005 at 2:37 pm

    The Great Earthquake of 1923 in Japan was not caused by tectonic tremors. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mao Zedong so hard in the face in 1955 the impact echoed back 32 years causing the phenomenon.

  178. Jason said,

    December 15, 2005 at 4:16 pm

    Chuck Norris is such a bad ass that he jerks off with sand.

  179. miller said,

    December 16, 2005 at 4:12 pm

    The only real weapon of ass destruction is Chuck Norris

  180. Terry Smogblurn said,

    December 16, 2005 at 8:51 pm

    Chuck Norris was gonna be elected the next pope, but apparently doing roundhouse kicks at will is forbidden in the Catholic Bible. In response to this, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Bible and stormed out of Vatican City, screaming, “I invented the Bible!”

  181. Sharon, Lois & Bram said,

    December 18, 2005 at 4:01 pm

    The only guy that could ever break my heart, my achy breaky heart, is Chuck Norris.

  182. Paco said,

    December 20, 2005 at 6:02 am

    Chuck Norris created a time machine to go back in time to fight Chuck Norris, his only true advisary.

    Chuck Norris was the 4th Wise Man and gave Jesus the gift of growing a beard. One that Jesus kept with him until his dying day.

    When you play Stairway to Heaven backwards it says Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris bleeds pain and cries sorrow.

  183. Corey said,

    December 21, 2005 at 3:15 am

    Chuck norris once roundhoused kicked 50 Cent to make change.

  184. Jay said,

    December 22, 2005 at 1:39 am

    The sinking of the titanic actuly accured when the ship ran into Chuck Norris on daily swim across the Alantic ocean.

  185. jesse said,

    December 22, 2005 at 5:43 am

    chuck norris walked into the gas station and asked the clerk for the biggest fountain soda they had, the clerk looked at chuck and said well we have a 100 once soda chuck ripped out the mans heart and proceded to eat it and grab a five gallon bucket from the back and filled it with diet coke.

  186. jesse said,

    December 22, 2005 at 5:47 am

    the code for a homocide 187 is that because there chuck norris favorite numbers

  187. Profitofspizz said,

    December 24, 2005 at 10:56 am

    Chuck Norris invented the internet and roundhouse kicked Al Gore in the face.

    Chuck Norris dosn’t believe in guns. He dosn’t have to since his ejaculations travel at a speed at which light cant keep up with.

    Before he created earth, god created Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris destroyed the Roman Empire after learning that it was the Romans that killed Jesus.

    The true secret to the Blitzcrieg’s success in Poland and France was Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris is good.

    It has become widely accepted by historians that Hitler lost his left testicle to Chuck Norris.

    The Nazis would have won if it wasn’t for Chuck Norris. Go Chuck!

    Lightning is created when friction from Chuck Norris’s beard create an electrical charge.

    Those who question Chuck Norris’s true existance shall recieve a roundhouse kick strait to hell.

    When at lost ask yourself, “what would CHuck norris do.” Thats how Lincolin won the Civil War.

  188. fraggot said,

    December 24, 2005 at 1:41 pm

    When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, Chuck doesn’t get wet. The pool gets Chuck.

  189. Sobey's Inc. said,

    December 28, 2005 at 5:19 pm

    When the Y2K was supposed to occur at the turn of the millenium, Chuck Norris scheduled a meeting with Bill Gates because he knew that he was the only one with the power to stop it. Bill Gates refused, and so Chuck Norris had no choice but to roundhouse-kick him in the face. Then Chuck Norris decided to contact the creator of The Family Guy television show so that he would make an episode that insulted Bill Gates. That episode hurt Bill Gates almost as much as the roundhouse-kick he received from Chuck Norris. Nothing hurts more than a roundhouse-kick. NOTHING.

  190. J-Hunt said,

    December 29, 2005 at 7:46 am

    Katrina blew Chuck Norris

  191. noonizzle said,

    December 31, 2005 at 6:19 am

    when life hands u lemons, give them to chuck norris and he’ll eat it and piss out tequila.

  192. clayton said,

    January 2, 2006 at 2:56 pm

    this is the funniest stuff ever

  193. Anonymous said,

    January 4, 2006 at 4:44 am

    when life gives you lemons, give them to chuck norris and he’ll throw em at little kids

  194. batch said,

    January 5, 2006 at 8:29 am

    when chuck norris takes a vacation from roundhouse kicking people in the face, the world is happy. when he returns from vacation chuck norris does not like the happiness. double roundhouse kicks for everyone.

  195. Chuck Norris said,

    January 5, 2006 at 5:20 pm

    When Chuck Norris jumps in water, he doesnt get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris Often Knitts Sweaters, and when i say “knitt” i mean Rounhouse Kick. and when i say “sweaters” i mean little babies.

  196. Corey said,

    January 6, 2006 at 2:57 am

    Chuck Norris certainly does not smell what The Rock is cooking

  197. Corey said,

    January 6, 2006 at 2:58 am

    There are no waeapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Only Chuck Norris.

  198. Corey said,

    January 6, 2006 at 3:03 am

    Chuck Norris made that mine collapse. Tough shit.

    Chuck Norris believes in life after love.

    Chuck Norris eats Bibles and shits Christianity.

  199. Your worst nightmare said,

    January 6, 2006 at 11:54 am

    Chuch Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

  200. Me said,

    January 7, 2006 at 6:00 am

    I think you people are sick! Your absolute idiots, and most of this is filthy! Youre mouths need to be washed with acid! Who gave you the right to say things like that about someone you don’t even know?! … Certainly not him! esn’t even make sense! … Whoever wrote this is an uneducated fool!! … And I’m just as stupid for commenting on this. I went to his site to check the “Current Events” section, and read about your “random” facts. Well, there random, all right. They’re a bunch of lies, and I know he doesn’t think it’s that much of a big deal, and I have to admit, that, like him, I thought some of them were funny, and had a little bit of a laugh, because … after all, the joke’s on you!

  201. chuck norris loverr said,

    January 7, 2006 at 8:10 am

    The acid in batteries is really just Chuck Norris’s sperm in a tiny little plastic case.

  202. jesus... its chuck norrised said,

    January 8, 2006 at 5:43 am

    when Chuck Norris jumps in the water he doesnt get wet, the water gets Chucked Norrised.

  203. tombo said,

    January 8, 2006 at 6:40 am

    Chuck Norris grows weary of these posts. Perhasps he will deign to roundhouse kick me, thereby making me the envy of my neighbohood.

  204. Me said,

    January 8, 2006 at 6:42 am

    Oh, come on! Do you really believe that? … Must we go through this, again? I thought we had this discussion, once? … The acid in batteries is not what you say it is, and water does not get Chuck Norrised. He gets wet, just like everyone else. … And you want to know something else? He cries, too. Just like you, me, and every other living, breathing human being.

  205. profitofspizz said,

    January 8, 2006 at 6:59 am

    Chuck Norris doesn’t approve of belligerent, non-believers like you. I would watch your back if I were you. Not that it would help you because a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris can not be stopped. Chuck Norris is the man and he never cries.

  206. Me said,

    January 8, 2006 at 7:18 am

    And now, on Chuck Norris’ behalf, I present to you: the truth about all of these facts, starting with number 1. (This is for you, Chuck. You don’t deserve this kind of disrespect, and this is one yong person who intends to do something about it. … So all you devoted Chuck Norris fans, and all of you who are not, … read and enjoy!)

  207. Me said,

    January 8, 2006 at 7:25 am

    I’m not beligerant. You’re right, Chuck Norris is definitely “the man” as you call him. So I’m sorry if I offended you. I’m just trying to stick up for him. That all. So help me do it!

  208. Megan said,

    January 8, 2006 at 8:01 am

    I have decided to cahnge my byline from “me” to “Megan”. And now, … on with the show.
    1: Chuck Norris does need to swallow when eating, otherwise his mouth would pucker up, and he’d look like a chipmunk, (and don’t use that agaist him. Otherwise I’ll have to come up with a comeback, and I’d rather not have to do that. So let’s play nice, shal we?)

    2: That’s right. They’re just wasting there time. And, if in fact, you really are Chuck Norris, I’m sorry you ever saw this site. And I’m just as sorry for myself, for visiting, on account of my curiosity.

    5: If Chuck Norris can divide by 0, maybe you should call him up, and ask him to teach the rest of us. I’m sure he’d be glad to. … He loves yong people, you know. He’d probably be glad to help the rest of us learn.

    6: No one has a site dedicated to anything. … Oh, wait a minute. yes they do. It’s at: www.makefunofpeopleyoudon‘tevenknow/trytohurttheirfeelings.com Maybe you should check it out. … I did, and it’s pretty cruel and unjust.

    7: Don’t ever talk about him like that! … Don’t ever talk about anyone like that! Would you want other people to talk about you like that? … I’m sure you wouldn’t.

    8: Good one! It’s certainly better than some of the other stuff I’ve seen. So I’m going to leave you alone.

    11: I would want to be invissible, too, if I’d seen some of the things written down about me. … Oh, no. … Wait a minute. He doesn’t need invissibility. He has something much more powerful. He has the power, through Jesus Christ, to ignore what you’re saying, and go on about his daily buisness. So you’re just amusing yourselves.

  209. matt said,

    January 8, 2006 at 1:53 pm

    1.to prove that cnacer was not that big of a deal chuck norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years, he aquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes….. ha…. beat that lance armstrong

    2.einstiens theory was proven, chuck norris could roundhouse kick you into yesterday

    3. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

    4.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    5. chuck norris is currently suing NBC, claiming that law and order are the names of his left and right bicepts

    6. these were posted, not to make fun of chuck norris, he is the man

  210. Chucks Norris's truck said,

    January 8, 2006 at 2:05 pm

    This is to the person posting as me as chuck norris’s truck i would like to say STFU chuck norris once round house kicked me in the grill and my engine was shot out of my muffiler and he said he will hunt you down and round house kick your teeth. god created chuck norris becuase he needed some one to jump start the sun chuck created me because he he couldnt fly there

  211. KungFuCornelius said,

    January 9, 2006 at 1:39 am

    First of all Megan, these posts are designed as a way to honor the man that is Chuck Norris. I mean, he’s so awesome his tears cure cancer. It’s just a shame he has never cried.

    Chuck Norris hates people with no sense of humor. Once, when someone didn’t laught at one of his jokes, they were met with a swift and severe roundhouse kick. They were launched through the ceiling of their house, 100 feet in the air. Upon landing back on their couch, they replied “Oh, now I get it!” Their laughter was joined by Chucks laughter and the ensuing sound waves destroyed a local park.

  212. Megan said,

    January 9, 2006 at 6:29 am

    I love humor! But tsome of this isn’t very nice, no matter how funny it’s supposed to be. Chuck Norris is a gentle person, and I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate the bad lanuage and dirty posts. So clean it up a little, and maybe me and him both can laugh histerically, like the rest of you. … And by the way, som of this was very funny. I don’t have a problem with the good jokes, and I know he doesn’t either. … And yeah, he’s definitely the man!!!

  213. Megan said,

    January 9, 2006 at 6:45 am

    And to KungFuCornelius, there are much better ways to honor him, if that’s what everyone wants to do. Send him greate e-mails, telling him how much you admire him and his roundhouse kick, which seems to be the main focus of these jokes. … And I have to admit, they are awesome! Everything he does is awesome, and I think the best way to “honor” him, would to be to send him e-mails telling him how amazing he is.

  214. Jon said,

    January 10, 2006 at 4:31 am

    Upchuck is called upchuck because norris’ heavy fisted gut punches often cause opponents to vomit

    Chuckling is called chuckling because chuck Norris always does it when an opponents scores a hit

    Chuck Norris must remove all three testicles before walking through a metal detector due to his balls of steel

    3 short norris haikus
    Chuck Norris attacks
    Snowballs fly through my fortress
    Can I win? I lose

    Inevitable
    Defeat verse chuck Norris hits
    Snowball speed mach 3

    See the Norris run
    Norris can run hyper speed
    Norris runs very fast

  215. Megan said,

    January 10, 2006 at 12:46 pm

    Why must you people continue to post this garbage! … And Jon, what was that?! It didn’t even make sense! If you insist on posting this stuff, please, … post something that makes at least just a little sense.

  216. Megan said,

    January 10, 2006 at 2:58 pm

    One day Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone. That kidney stone is called, Celine Dion. … Was that a complement on Celine’s behalf, because I don’t really know. I think she’s the greatest singer that ever lived, and the joke involving both of my favorite people, rendered me speechless!

  217. Tina said,

    January 10, 2006 at 11:41 pm

    Megan are you for real?? You’re as funny as one of Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick’s to the bollocks

  218. Chuck Key said,

    January 11, 2006 at 12:06 am

    Megan, are you saying that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Jesus Christ to the face and took his invisibility and miraculous powers??

  219. Doc said,

    January 11, 2006 at 2:40 am

    For those reading the comments, a new article has just been posted about Chuck Norris about his response to discovering the Random Facts.

    Enjoy.

  220. Doc said,

    January 11, 2006 at 2:42 am

    For those reading the comments, a new article has just been posted about Chuck Norris here about his response to discovering the Random Facts.

    Enjoy.

  221. Doc said,

    January 11, 2006 at 2:43 am

    OK, that’s twice now. Gay coding. here is the link in full:

    http://www.sandstorming.com/2006/01/chuck-norris-responds-to-random-facts/

  222. Mr. A said,

    January 11, 2006 at 4:52 am

    Ben Combs said he could roundhouse kick Chuck Norris in the face, by simply uttering these words, a helicopter appeared from which Chuck Norris came and proceeded to apply 300 roundhouse kicks to Ben’s face. When finshed Chuck Norris replied “I’m Rick James B-aaaatch”

  223. Mr. A said,

    January 11, 2006 at 4:53 am

    Chuck Norris…WHO… Chuck Norris

  224. Mr. A said,

    January 11, 2006 at 4:58 am

    What do you get with Chuck Norris, a young kid, and a lolly pop.
    Well a kid that had a lolly pop, but was stolen by Chuck Norris.But now it appears afterwards the boy was brutely injured by many forceful roundhouse kicks to the head.Later Chuck got in the little boy’s face and replied these meaningful words…..”You Got Knock The Fuck Out” Yeah Boyeeeeeeee

  225. Megan said,

    January 11, 2006 at 10:18 am

    Tina, I’m not quite sure what you mean by your question, so I’ll answer it in every way. I am very serious about defending Chuck Norris, and I am very serious about the other question I asked. I do want to know if that was a compliment onCeline’s part.

  226. Megan said,

    January 11, 2006 at 10:42 am

    Chuck Key, no, I’m not even beginning to say that. What I meant was, that since he’s a Christian, and trying to live his life in the way that God would have him to live it, I’m know for sure that he reads his Bible. And in the Bible it says in the book of Mathew, Chapter 5, verse 39: “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other, also.” has the power to resist the bad publicity about him on the internet.

  227. Megan said,

    January 11, 2006 at 10:55 am

    Chuck Key, no, I’m not even beginning to say that. What I meant was, that since he’s a Christian, and trying to live his life the way God would have him to live it, I know he reads his Bible. And in the Bible, it says, in the book of Mathew, Chapter 5, verse 39, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If he strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the left, also.” … There’s where he gets the power to resist the bad publicity being generated about him on the internet.

  228. Big Al said,

    January 11, 2006 at 11:52 am

    When man was created Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked half of the black people, preceeding to kick the black off them, thus white people were created.

  229. JuLz said,

    January 11, 2006 at 12:04 pm

    OMFG STFU KGO THNXBAI

  230. Bonner Jam said,

    January 12, 2006 at 8:28 am

    You know how i know your gay… you are not chuck norris

  231. Megan said,

    January 12, 2006 at 12:27 pm

    How many of you have visited the link in comment 221? … I think all of this is very sad, and it breaks my heart to go to his website and read the letters people have written to him about how much he means to them, then to come here and read this trash. Why won’t you open you’re eyes? Can’t you see that this is wrong? … No you can’t can you. You think this is funny, and I know that no matter what I say or do to defend him, you’ll keep posting these jokes. But for the record, could all of you tell me why? Could you tell me why you can’t seem to find a more constructive way of doing things? … You say you’re fans of Chuck Norris, and you say you’re trying to honor him. Well, this isn’t doing it. … Can you imagine what it would feel like, to try to do so much good for people, and then to open your e-mail, and begin to read about things that people are writing about you on the internet? Can you imagine what it must feel like to recieve those e-mails? … I can’t, and neither can you. But I know that we all know what it feels like to have people spread things about us that aren’t true, even if they are only jokes. And when we find out what they’re doing, it makes us mad, doesn’t it? … And what do we do about it? … Someone once said that fighting isn’t what makes you a man. Walking away is what makes you a man. And I think he’s shown all of you, including me, just how much of a man he is. Hasn’t he?

  232. Anonymous said,

    January 12, 2006 at 2:18 pm

    megan, you should seriously get a life and reassess your life because it’s very sad if you are taking the time to stick for chuck norris over the internet–get a job you loser!!

  233. Austin said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:24 pm

    When Chuck Norris eats his daily serving of coal, he poops diamonds, and that is why he is so rich.

  234. Daniel said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:26 pm

    Chuck Norris is the reason that theres no gasoleane anymore, He drinks it for breakfast lunch and dinner

  235. Austin said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:28 pm

    Chuck Norris’ farts are responsible for global warming

  236. Austin said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:29 pm

    When Chuck Norris comes to the mall during christmas time, the real Santa comes to sit on Chuck’s lap.

  237. Austin said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:32 pm

    Chuck Norris can single-handedly hold up a whole samuri army by using only weapon: his eyes.

  238. Austin said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:35 pm

    Chuck Norris doesnt look at porn, porn looks at him.

  239. Austin said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:36 pm

    Chuck Norris knows exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

  240. Austin said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:39 pm

    When Chuck Norris eats a dictionary, he gets smarter.

  241. Daniel said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:53 pm

    Chuck Norris eats bowls of children for breakfast, therefore helping to solve over crowding in the world

  242. Daniel said,

    January 13, 2006 at 12:55 pm

    Chuck norris kills dogs for fun

    Chuck norris beat the living crap out of arnold swartzanager…and the governer claimed he was in a mortercycle accedent

  243. Satch said,

    January 13, 2006 at 10:29 pm

    Chuck Norris IS the meaning of life.

  244. Megan said,

    January 14, 2006 at 2:41 am

    Anonomous, I have a life, and a very busy one at that. And I’m sooo sorry you think I’m a loser. It just makes me so sad, ha, ha! I’m almost in tears! … Suggestion: maybe you should reevaluate your own life. It might do you some good. Because, in my opinion, anyone who posts these childish posts, are children themselves.

  245. Daniel said,

    January 14, 2006 at 9:51 am

    Hey looks whos making posts…if it isnt megan..

    Im sorry…did you say people posting are children??

    okay whatever you say child…

    *Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked megan so fast she went back in time until she was unborn*

    just because she didnt believe in his powers…

    poor megan…

    she will not be missed…

  246. leif said,

    January 14, 2006 at 9:54 am

    Chuck Norris can stare into the sun for as long as he likes.

    Chunk Norris once bought a dog… he called him Ralphie.

    When telemarketers call Chuck Noris at home, he tells them to go fuck their mothers and they always do out of fear.

    When Chuck Norris looks to the abyss the abyss never looks back.

    Chuck Norris ate a bear alive once.

    Chuck Norris cam masterbate with a garberator.

  247. Anonymous said,

    January 16, 2006 at 7:35 am

    ah yes megan, because i’ve posted so many comments here megan, and you know so much about me…boy o boy—retard!!

  248. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 10:22 am

    Megan, we should hook up

  249. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 10:27 am

    Dang it Austin i wanted to hook up with her…thats like the millionth girl youve stolen from me jerk..:( i hate you

  250. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 11:29 am

    just kidding…you know i love you like a brother…
    because your cool

  251. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 11:56 am

    thanks bro

  252. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 11:57 am

    We are all descendants of Adam and Eve, and i we all know who they come from. That’s right, you guessed it: Chuck Norris.

  253. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 11:58 am

    Chuck Norris is my mother

  254. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 11:59 am

    Chuck Norris will straight up kill any homo that he sees

  255. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 11:59 am

    He will roundhouse kick the gay out of them

  256. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 12:03 pm

    Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked Megan in the face just so that she wouldnt post another gay ass comment on this site

  257. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 12:05 pm

    And it worked…

  258. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 12:08 pm

    Chuck Norris knows the whole chinese alphabet, forwards and backwards.

  259. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 12:10 pm

    Chuck Norris puts the “Z” in “xylophone”

  260. Morgan said,

    January 16, 2006 at 12:13 pm

    when a girl is having an orgasm, you can only guess she’s thinking about the one and only….chuck norris.

    austin and daniel are hot.
    i can tell.
    i love them.

  261. Morgan said,

    January 16, 2006 at 12:16 pm

    hey megan by the way, you seem like really really cool with your smartass comments i mean, i wish i could be you, like omg no joke, fo real.

    :) i think that chuck would greatly appreciate that we make him seem like the GOD he really is!

  262. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 1:46 pm

    Chuck Norris does not need a cigarette after sex, IT goes up when he wants to and goes down when he wants it to.

  263. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 1:48 pm

    Chuck Norris is the reason why God created women, just so that Chuck Norris wouldnt get bored

  264. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 1:52 pm

    Chuck Norris can multi-task. (Which is why he always has time to roundhouse kick someone in the face while he is pre-occupied)

  265. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    Chuck Norris has his own holiday.

  266. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 1:56 pm

    Megan, call me: 919-656-6813

  267. Collin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:01 pm

    Chuck Norris is so cool he took austin’s girlfriend and ate her. And pooed out a planet and named it after himself.

  268. Collin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:03 pm

    Correction: NOT austin’s girlfriend, but the one and only Megan.

  269. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:09 pm

    Chuck Norris powns at paintball.

  270. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:12 pm

    Chuck norris game to austin and collins house…which is like 10 minutes from me and peed on them in their sleep

    just because he can

  271. Chuck Norris said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:12 pm

    Thank you so much for the comments and I would love to say thanks to all my fans who still support me.

  272. Chuck Norris said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:14 pm

    I will now roundhouse kick all you MOTHER FUCKERS in the face.

  273. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:15 pm

    STFU Norris…i did nothing but love you

  274. Collin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:16 pm

    Chuck Norris is so freakin sweet that whenever he poops all the homeless kids in africa come to eat because it tastes sweet like chicken.

    Hmmm…….

    Poop the other dark chicken…..

    Hey that does taste like chicken.

  275. Daniel said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:35 pm

    Chuck norris hates pansy clowns

  276. Collin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 2:40 pm

    Chuck Norris will grind your bones to make his bread.

  277. Austin said,

    January 16, 2006 at 3:30 pm

    Chuck Norris is so good he can roundhouse kick your mamma in the face and you wont be able to do shit about it.

  278. Megan said,

    January 16, 2006 at 7:08 pm

    lalalalalala

  279. Megan said,

    January 16, 2006 at 7:11 pm

    I am a filthy little whining bitch and i have no life.

    Someone please help me.

    I have no friends and surf the internet all the time responding to forums like this, debating and bitching, making references to God all the time, when no one is going to change their minds based on my comments. Sometimes i rub faeces on myself.

    That is all.

  280. Daniel said,

    January 17, 2006 at 2:34 am

    EWWWWW Megan your gross…

  281. Chuck Key said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:41 am

    Random Facts About MEGAN

    1. Megan is so fat that when she’s on the beach greenpeace try and tow her back out to sea.

    2. Megan’s pussy smells so badly of fish that Japanese trawlermen have began circling her.

    3. When Megan goes swimming in the sea her pussy is so smelly that the fish even hold their noses.

    4. Megan’s house is so filthy that the cockroaches have applied for a crisis loan to redecorate.

    5. Megan’s house is so dirty that the cockroaches eat the rats.

    6. Megan’s pussy is so loose that she went to the Doctor’s to get is tightened but the best they could offer was a set of swing doors.

    Go Megan, Go Megan…..

  282. Megan said,

    January 19, 2006 at 6:47 am

    Do you really think I’d really say something like that? Well, I wouldn’t. … And I’m not going to call anyone, especially when I don’t you. And, how do you know I’m a girl? … Oh, well. … And by the way, it didn’t work, I’m still here, rejuvinated, and ready to go! … And as for all the comments some people are writing about me. Good! Keep writing them. atleast then, you’re talking about me, and not Chuck Norris!

  283. Megan said,

    January 19, 2006 at 7:05 am

    Thank you, Morgan for saying that. That gave me some encouragement. But I’m sure that you’re a cool person, too, and I’m sure Chuck Norris appreciates you just as much as all of the rest of us who are sticking up for him, wherever they may be.

  284. Megan said,

    January 19, 2006 at 7:47 am

    ‘Tis not true, ’tis not true! Oh, the things they say about you! But who will stand, who will fight, for what we know is right?! … The things on this site, are as black as night, and ’tis isn’t right, ’tis isn’t right! … Someone help me, help me fight! He doesn’t deserve this, you know it isn’t right! So let’s stand up, stand tall, and show them all who we are, one and all.

  285. Megan said,

    January 19, 2006 at 7:55 am

    And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, “random” Facts About Megan! … I will say this once again, you people are sick, but no matter. If you start posting “random” facts about me, then you’ll quit posting them about him. … And, just a friendly word of warning, I would watch what you say about me, because you really don’t what you’re talking to. Do you know what I mean? I could be a computerized person, a man, or the President, for all you know. So, be careful, all my sick little people. Be very careful.

  286. Megan said,

    January 19, 2006 at 8:05 am

    “Random” facts about Megan, “random” facts about Chuck Norris? … Oh, Chuck Key! Must we do this! I didn’t make you that mad, did I?

  287. Daniel said,

    January 19, 2006 at 8:55 am

    Chuck Norris is so cool, he killed megan…

    you dont scare us pertending to be someone important…and its not illegal to talk bad about people online either freak…

  288. Anonymous said,

    January 19, 2006 at 9:44 am

    LMAO @ MEGAN!! i bet she’s only 13, 14 yrs old!! Ah yes megan, sad sad sad…

  289. jimmy jingles said,

    January 19, 2006 at 1:59 pm

    chuck norris pokes blind people in the eyes for fun

  290. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:00 pm

    chuck norris ate a rat, a weasel, and a wild bore for breakfast while he held a normal conversation with his kitchen knife

  291. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:01 pm

    chuck norris doesn’t eat broccoli–he simply does without it

  292. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:02 pm

    chuck norris’s name spelled backwords should be chuck norris

  293. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:03 pm

    chuck norris wrote a book and read to a kid named jimmy…jimmy proceeded to ask chuck to read it again–and the good chucketh SLAPPED HIM IN THE FACE!!

  294. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:06 pm

    chuck norris once called tech support while attending someone’s funeral

  295. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:07 pm

    chuck norris once went shopping at giant and bought 3 oranges, 1 carrot, and a golden baked turkey–he paid $23.48.

  296. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:08 pm

    chuck norris once bought a muskrat and made it his bitch

  297. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:09 pm

    chuck norris once punched an old lady in the face–and proceeded to tear out her liver so he could eat it for his mid morning snack

  298. yoyo said,

    January 19, 2006 at 2:14 pm

    chuck norris once played in a band with brian mcsmiles and the sunshine gang–they went on tour back in 1972 only to discover that brian and the rest of the gang had contracted the deadly disease of SARS. Chuck norris then tried to revivie them using the hiemlach maneuver but when it failed he resorted to the only thing left he could possibly think of–he called scruff mgruff the fire fighting ranger of doom. When scruff mcgruff got there, he had a bowl of spaghetti that he stole from his aunt bettie’s house. Scruff threw the spaghettie at chuck norris and ran, and to this day chuck norris still hasn’t found scruff magruff the fire fighting crime ranger.

  299. Chuck Key said,

    January 20, 2006 at 1:12 am

    Megs my Darling,

    I’ve had personal communication with Chuck Norris, he roundhouse kicked a notepad at me ferom Texas and it landed on my lap. It said he knows who you and that you are in fact a lovechild of his days on the Delta Force set. He wants to get in contact you desperately so he can roundhouse kick you to the face.

    All my love,

    Chuck Key

  300. Daniel said,

    January 20, 2006 at 1:46 am

    Hey megan check this out
    a video of churck norris talking about this stuff…is he angry??? quite the opposite…he loves it and thinks its hillarious…

    http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1652620/

  301. Anonymous said,

    January 20, 2006 at 7:36 am

    megan got served like the bitch she is!! AHAHAHAHA!

  302. im megan beaten by chuck norris said,

    January 20, 2006 at 9:54 am

    Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special Olympics

    It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    megan is hiding from the fear that chuck norris roundhouhouse kicked her so hard that she wasnt even worthy to have his baby let alone look at her

  303. im megan beaten by chuck norris said,

    January 20, 2006 at 10:01 am

    Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs

    Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel

    Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.

    Chuck Norris once boned the Mona Lisa, which is why she smiles.

    Everytime you litter, Chuck Norris cries, then he’ll roundhouse kick Megan

    If Chuck Norris sees his shadow on Groundhog Day, a member of megans family goes extinct

  304. im megan beaten by chuck norris said,

    January 20, 2006 at 10:21 am

    megan shut your mouth or chuck norris will roundhouse kick you for not watching

    http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1652620/

    about him laughing about this can i say oww chuck norris put his roundhouse kick right in your mouth where it belongs? i think chuck won this one

  305. im megan beaten by chuck norris said,

    January 20, 2006 at 10:23 am

    chuck norris once said megan and chuck norris should not be in the same sentence, he then proceeded to roundhouse kick her grandma

    megan shut your mouth or chuck norris will roundhouse kick you for not watching this about him

    http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1652620/

    about him laughing about this can i say oww chuck norris put his roundhouse kick right in your mouth where it belongs? i think chuck won this one
    chuck norris 1 megan 0

  306. Daniel said,

    January 20, 2006 at 12:57 pm

    Hey idiot thanks for taking jokes from above and repeating them and using the same link i did retard…your worse than megan is you worthless turd

  307. Austin said,

    January 20, 2006 at 1:51 pm

    More random facts about Megan:

    1. Megan, to have you post on this site that you might not be a real woman, or a real person makes me sick to know you and i would like to know that im ashamed of you. GOD SHALL SMITE YOU. The judges of hell have spoken.

    2. Megan is so stupid she failed a blood test.

    3. Megan is so stupid that she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

    4. Megan is so stupid she got hit by a parked car.

    5. Megan is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of her basement window.

    6. Megan is so fat that she has her own timezone.

    7. Megan is so stupid she got locked inside a grocery store and starved to death.

    8. Megan is so fat that she went to a football game, sat down, and asked, “Where’s all the people?”

    TAKE THAT BITCH

  308. Someone said,

    January 20, 2006 at 1:53 pm

    Megan is gay

  309. Someone Else said,

    January 20, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    Megan is a pure blooded B-I-T-C-H

  310. Corey said,

    January 20, 2006 at 11:54 pm

    Sometimes, when the moon is a crescent in the night sky, and the wind is still, and the stars are bright and the planets are aligned….sometimes…no matter where you are…you can hear Megan eating.

    Alot.

  311. Corey said,

    January 20, 2006 at 11:56 pm

    Megan once took an IQ test.

    It came back negative.

  312. C.J said,

    January 21, 2006 at 2:02 am

    Chuck Norris does not read books. He stares out them until they crack and give him the information he wants.

  313. Corey James said,

    January 21, 2006 at 2:19 am

    Megan, why have you got be such a bitch about all this? Chuck isn’t insulted by this stuff. He’s fucking AMUSED. Just like the rest of us. Damn, haven’t you ever heard of “iconic adoration”? People like and admire Chuck Norris; or they don’t. Either way, the man’s legacy is already complete and secure, and by posting “facts” like this, we just cement his place in history. It’s just humor! And with that being said….

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.

  314. Corey James said,

    January 21, 2006 at 2:20 am

    Chuck N. likes babies, just not with ketchup.

  315. Corey James said,

    January 21, 2006 at 2:22 am

    Chuck Norris does NOT, however, like whiny, sniveling “supporters” like the previously mentioned Megan. Under any circumstances. Ketchup, mustard, or relish.

  316. Megan said,

    January 21, 2006 at 8:53 am

    Very cute! You people never cease to amaze me! You also never cease to make me laugh my heart out! The stuff you’re writing about me is amusing, very amusing! … And about whether I’m a man, machine, or woman, was a joke! Didn’t you say you liked humor? Where’s your sense for it?

  317. Megan said,

    January 21, 2006 at 9:06 am

    Oh, Megan! Poor Megan! She’s an idiot, and I know everyone agrees. She makes me want to scream!! I’d like to grab her by the shoulders, and just start shaking her until her brain goes on tilt. … Stupid little twit!

  318. Starlet said,

    January 21, 2006 at 9:10 am

    You people are heartless! Why don’t you leave her alone! Can’t you see what she’s trying to do? All she wants to do is help him! That’s all!

  319. Angie said,

    January 21, 2006 at 9:16 am

    Austin, I thought you liked her? What happened?

  320. Megan said,

    January 21, 2006 at 9:24 am

    Hello, out there! Since everyone else is making fun of me, I thought I should do it to! Does anyone else agree? … It looks like fun!

  321. Megan said,

    January 21, 2006 at 10:04 am

    My hope was, when I came to this site, to defend Chuck Norris against this filth, but now I see it’s pointless. You people are going to continue to post comments about him, and you’re going to continue to say all the filthy things you say. But you know what? I don’t have to come here and see it! I don’t have to look at the things you write, and I’m not going to anymore. Because in the end, God will deal with all of you, for what you have said about one, or two, of his own. “Vengance is mine”, says the Lord. So I’m going to post this, and leave this site for good. But befor I do, I’d like to say one more thing. All of this breaks my heart, that human beings feel they have to use the language you use here, and talk the way you do. … But I’m going to do what I should’ve done to start with: ignore this from now on. I thought I could do some good, and I didn’t. Now I’ve learned my lesson. I should’ve done what he did to start with, but I didn’t, and here I am, and here I go.

  322. Anonymous said,

    January 21, 2006 at 11:28 am

    why isn’t the good lord helping you now you selfish bitch!?!?!? HAHAHA!!

  323. im megan beaten by chuck norris said,

    January 23, 2006 at 3:16 am

    hey Daniel sorry i didnt no that you had those posted already ok man jessh its hard to read all of it except megan, which is so easy to read for her long poetry, megan you should forgive us for making fun of you but if you go to this website that it shows chuck norris likes this stuff then u can shut your mouth once and for all
    http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1652620/
    try it or are you afraid that you are wrong and be condemed to hell for judging others and how chuck norris really feels i think you should read the bible alot more it will help you belevie in the lord more there but if you dont no what your talking about and breaking the rules of the bible by judging others then you need the bible more

  324. Chuck Key said,

    January 24, 2006 at 12:10 am

    Megan,

    Sorry for posting the Random Facts about Megan, it was petty and childish behavious and we need your input on this site i believe. Look at the encouragement you have given us to post positive articles about the Grand Master, thy is mighty Chuck. I feel i have started something here with the attack on yourself and feel wrongly, i have been to confession as i don’t feel happy with spending eternity in Hell and being tortured by endless roundhose kicks to the face by Chuck Norris or perhaps the Devil himself. We ALL need you to send us positive remarks and encourage us all to doo good deeds. Does everyone back me up on this site.

    Let’s start the ‘BRING BACK MEGAN’ campaign. Who’s with me?

  325. Billy Joe said,

    January 24, 2006 at 6:00 pm

    Chuck Norris has gotten head from the Statue of Liberty and all four presidents on Mount Rushmore.

    Chuck Norris wipes his ass with porcupines.

    Splinter was made up, Chuck Norris really raised the Ninja Turtles.

    In the movie Armageddon Bruce Willis didnt really blow up the asteroid and save the Earth. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the fuck out of it and killed Bruce Willis in the process.

    Picture the hottest girl in the world……Chuck Norris has had sex with her 53 times.

    Christopher Reeve and Chuck Norris were riding horses and Chris said superman could kick Chuck’s ass because Chuck was a bitch. So Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him off the horse and paralyzed him.

    Chuck Norris has boned more chicks than Ron Jeremy and Bill Clinton combined.

  326. Billy Joe said,

    January 25, 2006 at 1:42 am

    Chuck Norris made a special appearance on fight club. The entire cast was forced to wear brown pants in case they shit themselves during a fight scene.

    When chuck Norris shaves his beard , he is forced to use a chain saw made for cutting petrified wood.

    Chucks Norris’ dick is so huge he can pogo stick it and get as high as mount everest.

    Chuck Norris said viagra is for douches. He can satisfy Jenna Jameson with “his” limp pecker.

    Chuck Norris has volunteered himself to hunt down Osama Bin Laden and promised to drop kick his ass so hard Osama’s beard and turben will fly all the way across the Middle east.

  327. Billy Joe said,

    January 25, 2006 at 6:57 am

    Chuck Norris is living proof that illegal drugs, when used in moderation, can give you superhuman powers.

    Suge Knight is not really in prison, he’s in a governmental protection program because Chuck Norris was a Tupac fan and threatened to roundhouse kick Suge in his big black ass.

    Chuck Norris has kicked so much ass that his feet have permanent shit stains on them.

    Chuck Norris’ dick is so big that he was advised by doctors to cut part of it off. Shortly thereafter the amputated penis rotted, turned brown, and began playing basketball on its own. Chuck named it Shaq.

  328. Billy Joe said,

    January 25, 2006 at 12:08 pm

    Chuck Norris didn’t invent the chicken or the chicken sandwich but he will still fuckin kick your ass.

    Cocaine didn’t kill Rick James, Chuck Norris ass fucked him into submission then forced him to say ” chuck norris is a hell of a drug”

    In old west executions instead of rope they used Chuck Norris’ cock to hang criminals

    Chuck Norris in the movie “Roundhouse Returns” beat up Stevan Seagal forcing him to say “uncle” Now Seagal is mentally impaired and still a shitty actor. Thank You Chuck Norris!

    After watching the rodney king assault on TV, Chuck Norris publically stated “Those cops don’t know shit about beating up niggers”

    Chuck Norris is not racist. He just hates niggers.

    Lindsay Lohan lost weight b/c Chuck Norris told her he doesn’t like thick bitches.

    Chuck Norris is secretly fucking Paris Hilton and Barbara Bush.

    If you think Chuck Norris’ facial hair is thick , you should see his ass crack.

    Imagine the hottest girl ever, your dream girl. Nice tite ass & big breasts. Yep, Chuck Norris has already fucked her and came on her face.

  329. Austin said,

    January 27, 2006 at 1:08 pm

    DUDE nice ones billy joe. Mad props to you brosif.

  330. Brian said,

    January 28, 2006 at 1:15 pm

    Chuck Norris has a wang comparable with most fire hoses.

  331. Austin said,

    January 28, 2006 at 1:17 pm

    Chuck Norris has actually caught that waskuwy wabbit and doesnt give a shit about what you think.

  332. Brian said,

    January 28, 2006 at 1:18 pm

    Chuck Norris goes on dates with all of our mothers while we’re not looking.

  333. Austin said,

    January 31, 2006 at 1:37 pm

    Brian- seriously, dont repeat ones that have already been said.

    Its not really that cool.

  334. Austin said,

    January 31, 2006 at 1:52 pm

    Back then, when Steven King was still normal, Chuck Norris and he were playing a game of poker. After a while Chuck suspected Steven of cheating and since Chuck Norris is ALWAYS right, he roundhouse kicked King in the head thus messing up his brain so much that his movies are so messed up but surprisingly, the public loves his movies. In other words, thanks to Chuck Norris’ actions he has TRIUMPHED AGAIN!!!

  335. Austin said,

    January 31, 2006 at 2:08 pm

    Chuck Norris can ejaculate on command.

  336. Chuck Key said,

    January 31, 2006 at 11:46 pm

    Austin,

    Your jokes suck!!

  337. Austin said,

    February 1, 2006 at 11:41 am

    Fuck you Chuck Key, fuck you.

  338. Austin said,

    February 1, 2006 at 11:49 am

    Besides, i never did anything to you.

  339. Austin said,

    February 2, 2006 at 11:37 am

    Chuck Norris never gets caught in a chinese finger trap, never.

  340. Benny said,

    February 2, 2006 at 2:24 pm

    When aliens landed on planet earth they said take me to your Chuck Norris!!!

    When Chuck Norris falls in the water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet the water gets Chuck Norris

  341. you said,

    February 3, 2006 at 3:49 pm

    who would win in a fight chuck norris or god?????

    trick question chuck norris is god!

  342. flashlight said,

    February 3, 2006 at 3:54 pm

    chuck is ying

    norris is yang

  343. fart said,

    February 3, 2006 at 3:59 pm

    -chuck norris walked into a bar
    -bar: ouch!!!!

  344. 1256 said,

    February 3, 2006 at 4:01 pm

    when hitler said he wanted a perfect race he was saying that they should clone chuck norris and teach him german

  345. 1256 said,

    February 3, 2006 at 4:13 pm

    chuck norris dick is so big that when he gets a boner he faints from blood loss

  346. Chuck Key said,

    February 3, 2006 at 11:00 pm

    Austin, you did do something to me, you gave us shit jokes.

  347. valter said,

    February 4, 2006 at 2:17 am

    haha this is so hilarious

  348. Daniel said,

    February 5, 2006 at 12:33 am

    Cucky Key STFU

    and all you other retards…yeah lets not just read ones from up further on the website and post them again cough*Benny* and all of you guyses are stupid

    when hitler said he wanted a perfect race he was saying that they should clone chuck norris and teach him german
    That ones gay

  349. danielle said,

    February 7, 2006 at 4:00 pm

    when god said he wanted a perfect race he killed all the daniels in the world, and there was peace

  350. halliday said,

    February 7, 2006 at 4:03 pm

    i dont think it is a fact that chuck norris has fucking any girl that is alive because after he shows them his huge wang they either die, faint or gasp. if they are still alive some how chuck norris would drill the crap out of the girl thus killing her, so chuck norris has never beable to have sex with anyone but himself because he is the only one that can withstand his great almighty cock, and did i mention if somehow the girl stayed alive long enough for him to bust his cum is acid and would burn her to death, there is no way of living through his sex its not possible

  351. Pat said,

    February 8, 2006 at 1:31 pm

    Chuck Norris told Billy Batts to get his fuckin shine bot

  352. Pat said,

    February 8, 2006 at 1:33 pm

    Chuck Norris told Billy Batts to get his fuckin shine box

  353. Pat said,

    February 8, 2006 at 1:37 pm

    In the year 2020 Chuck Norris will collect taxes from every human being in the world, why you ask? Because the world ows Chuck Norris for his divine presence

  354. Pat said,

    February 8, 2006 at 1:38 pm

    You can’t live above the influence because Chuck Norris is the Influence

  355. Pat said,

    February 8, 2006 at 1:42 pm

    Chuck Norris never tried drugs drugs tried Chuck Norris, but you can nevery try to do anything to Chuck Norris without getting a roundhouse kick to the face

  356. duck said,

    February 9, 2006 at 2:43 pm

    Nobody can officially claim they invented steel whool its just processed remains of chuck norris’ daily beard trimmings.

  357. duck said,

    February 9, 2006 at 2:52 pm

    chuck norris unknown to most people was on the apollo 13 space launch they used his weiner as a satelite nature called, and he took a leak hence the milky way was formed.

  358. duck said,

    February 9, 2006 at 3:07 pm

    the classic rocky movies were very low budget chuck norris already having a stronghold on action flicks decided to lend a helping hand, the great cut scenes weren’t done by makeup artist but were gladly donated by mr. norris and his roundhouse kicks.Sly has been retarded ever since.

  359. duck said,

    February 9, 2006 at 3:11 pm

    chuck norris eats lightning and craps thunder!!!!

  360. duck said,

    February 9, 2006 at 3:38 pm

    chuck norris once bumped into mike tyson and michael jackson on the red carpet at a world premeire of one of his early movies chuck having cat like reflexes immediately did a roundhouse kick which landed on both their faces thats why they both now sound like little girls, and till this day they both breakdown to tears at the mere sight of a beard.

  361. duck said,

    February 9, 2006 at 4:11 pm

    chuck norris couldn’t make his mind up on which flavor of pudding he liked most chocolate or vanilla when he was asked by bill cosby, confused chuck quickly gave cosby a roundhouse to the face and thats when the famous chocolate/vanilla swirl was born.”emDAAAAAAAAAAH”

  362. duck said,

    February 9, 2006 at 5:01 pm

    chuck norris’ foundation kickstart your life is secretly an underground sweatshop in china where children are forced to mass produce sweaters made from chucks beard and are payed pennies a day.I’m acually one of those children so if you are reading this ……please help, or I will surely die of a roundhouse kick once mr. norris finds out.

  363. anti-duck said,

    February 10, 2006 at 5:01 pm

    u suck

  364. danimal342 said,

    February 12, 2006 at 1:03 am

    While once eating a diner a boy dropped a spoon. this caused chuck norris to kill everyone in the town

    Chuck Norris put a boy in a headlock because his hair was combed funny

    If god made a taco so hot that even he couldnt eat it chuck norris would eat it with the hot sauce from taco bell

    Chuck norris once ate a house just to prove he could

    Chuck norris once had cancer but cured himself by coughing up the tumor and buttering his toast with it

  365. P-mill said,

    February 16, 2006 at 11:27 am

    Heroin is another word for Chuck Norris’ blood.

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

  366. Zack said,

    February 16, 2006 at 11:57 am

    Jesus can walk on water, but Chunk Norris can walk on Jesus.
    Chunk Norris can count to infinity…..twice.

  367. P-mill said,

    February 16, 2006 at 2:06 pm

    Chuck Norris is the sound of one hand clapping.

  368. P-mill said,

    February 16, 2006 at 2:08 pm

    Osama Bin Ladin is Chuck Norris’ bitch.

    When Chuck Norris uses steroids, the syringe grows muscles.

  369. P-mill said,

    February 16, 2006 at 2:12 pm

    Chuck Norris dosen’t do push-ups. He push-downs.

  370. P-mill said,

    February 16, 2006 at 2:20 pm

    Chuck Norris put the ram in the ramalamdingdong.

  371. P-mill said,

    February 16, 2006 at 2:23 pm

    Life is high on Chuck Norris.

  372. P-mill said,

    February 16, 2006 at 3:44 pm

    Chuck Norris invented Al Gore.

  373. Vae Victis said,

    February 27, 2006 at 11:48 am

    Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

  374. flux sluts said,

    March 2, 2006 at 12:41 am

    to anybody slating these posts……I’m sure Chuck doesnt give a fuck about these posts, when he is at home in the evening swimming in his millions, drinking wine and getting sucked off by 4 different women i’m sure he doesnt give it a second thought !!! SO LIGHTEN UP OR FUCK OFF YOU DIRTY SHITRAGS !!!

    PS. Chuck Norris uses his left testicle to play conkers !! It is now a 3million-er !!
    and his right testicle detached itself years ago and is now known as Saturn !!

  375. S-DIZZLE said,

    March 5, 2006 at 5:14 am

    The Ice age was ended when chuck norris farted and all the snow and ice melted

    Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop

  376. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:25 am

    Chuck Norris can win a lightsaber battle with Yoda, Vader AND Mace using just his finger!

  377. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:25 am

    Chuck Norris can win a lightsaber battle with Yoda, Vader AND Mace using just his finger!

  378. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:26 am

    The Red Sea parted for Moses because Chuck Norris threatened to roundhouse kick it if it didn’t.

  379. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:28 am

    Pimps own bitches. Chuck Norris owns the pimps.

  380. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:31 am

    The reason Star Wars ships can go lightspeed is because Chuck Norris is hanging on to the back, farting. All other ships that go lightspeed at the same time, have only done so because of the shockwaves from the blast.

  381. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:33 am

    The reson the apocalypse hasn’t happened is because God is afraid to do it without Chuck Norris’ permission.

  382. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:40 am

    Chuck Norris can eat coal and shit out diamonds.

  383. Heterosexual Gamer said,

    March 12, 2006 at 5:43 am

    A good friend of Chuck’s who lives in Asia once called him while he was shooting “Walker, Texas Ranger.” He then asked him if he wanted to come down and visit in two weeks. The response from Chuck Norris was simply, “I’m already there, Bob. I’m already there.”

  384. The Pink Ranger is way cooler than Walker Texas Ranger said,

    March 19, 2006 at 1:53 am

    One day Chuck Norris was playing that game where you quickly and systematically stab between your fingers. However chuck Norris’s stabs managed to tear little holes in the universe, and that’s why we have stars.

    Chuck Norris at Mexican food one time. He farted, and we now call that fart, the sun.

  385. The Pink Ranger is way cooler than Walker Texas Ranger said,

    March 19, 2006 at 2:03 am

    Chuck Norris is made entirely out of the only element not on the periodic table, Chucknorium, which keeps the universe in balance.

  386. The Pink Ranger is way cooler than Walker Texas Ranger said,

    March 19, 2006 at 2:25 am

    Chuck Norris drives to the moon in a zamboni once a year, that’s why we have winter.

    Chuck Norris wrote the entire internet while bored during a class on round-house kicks that he was teaching to China.

    As a kid, chuch Norris made a sandcastle once. We now call that sandcastle the great wall of China.

    When Chuck Norris rides a roller coaster, it screams.

    The only thing sharp enough to trim Chuck Norris’s beard is Chuck Norris’s teeth.

    Chuck Norris’s blood is lava.

    Chuck Norris can refuse an offer from the Godfather

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get sick, bacteria gets Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris is the terror that flaps in the night

    Chuck Norris has a perfectly diversified portfolio

    Chuck Norris can draw a perfect circle…with both hands…at once…on toilet paper…underwater…using a brand new, never-sharpened pencil…with his eyes closed…for charity.

    Chuck Norris beat Donkey Kong Country with one life in less than an hour and he found everything.

    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a grizzly bear so hard that its hair turned white and it landed in the North Pole, that’s why we have polar bears.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need more cowbell

    Chuck Norris doesn’t like parfait

    Chuck Norris only drinks coffee if its black and hot enough to melt steel

    Chuck Norris watched Titanic, The Lion King, Schindler’s List, My Girl, and Where the Red Fern grows all at once without crying.

  387. shadow said,

    March 23, 2006 at 8:55 am

    Chuck Norris and Mr.T once had a child. No they didn’t have sex with each other. Chuck had sex with some girl while Mr.T watched and jerked off. That child was named Wesley Snipes.

  388. Connif said,

    March 23, 2006 at 12:44 pm

    It is common knowledge that when Chuck Norris was circumsized he lost 18 pounds

  389. BARDOEL CAN BENCH PRESS 500KG said,

    April 10, 2006 at 5:40 pm

    While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can’t do that, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
    When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
    Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.
    It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
    Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.
    Chuck Norris ate his weight at Godfathers pizza.
    Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
    Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
    The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single, however, so it was divided.
    God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.
    New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.
    Chuck Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.
    Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.
    One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Godzilla walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said, “Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!” right then Chuck Norris turned around and went, “The name is Chuck Norris!” and he brutally anniliated all three of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that night.
    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
    Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.
    Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.
    When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
    Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.
    A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.
    Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.
    Chuck Norris once ejaculated solid gold into a river in India, bringing profit to the local villagers and causing him to be worshiped as a God.
    Chuck Norris convinced Anakin Skywalker to join the Dark Side of the Force.
    Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.
    Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a pinecone.
    Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
    Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
    Chuck Norris can’t eat while standing upright.
    Chuck Norris fought a pirate once. It was close but the pirate won. Chuck has been in a state of chronic depression ever since.
    In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
    One drop of Chuck Norris’ sweat can cure you of anything, even death.
    Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
    The letters in Chuck Norris’ name can be rearranged to spell doom in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.
    Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
    Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.
    Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
    Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
    There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
    Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.
    Chuck Norris’s heart beats once every full moon.
    Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
    Chuck Norris signed the Declaration Of Independance, The Bill Of Rights, and the Constitution while plundering a poor asian village.
    The movie “The Ring” is actually just a Chuck Norris biography.
    Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won’t find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it’s getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.
    If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies just check the extinct species list.
    Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
    Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
    Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
    If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.
    Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex with 3 women.
    When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
    We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
    Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you have seen in your entire life.
    Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris’ house is a Total Gym.
    Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture found only the skull of Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
    Chuck Norris put the ‘k’ in ‘hardkore.’
    Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.
    In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in “Total Recall”.
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole in the ozone layer.
    Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.
    Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, “The name’s Norris; Chuck Norris.” YEAH BEAT THAT STEVE

  390. steve can bench press 501kg said,

    April 10, 2006 at 5:47 pm

    Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
    Chuck Norris’s middle name is “pain”
    I tought Chuck Norris everything he knows
    Cuck Norris says “bardoel is gay”
    steve says “i agree with Chuck Norris. Bardoel is gay”

  391. Robert said,

    April 11, 2006 at 9:34 pm

    Chuck Norris once took down Luke Skywalker, The Justice League and Spiderman with one roundhouse kick.

    Chuck Norris has constucted his own lightsaber.

    Chuck Norris was supposed to be one of Palpatine’s clones in Dark Empire but the writers soon realized Palaptine would always win.

    Chuck Norris built the Death Star with a steel bar and a ball of string.

    Chuck Norris was the reason the Yuuzhan Vong didn’t takeover the Galaxy.

    Chuck Norris once roundhoused kicked George Lucas because he couldn’t be in a Star Wars film.

  392. HHHH said,

    April 14, 2006 at 4:31 am

    round house kick to the face round house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the faceround house kick to the face 50 times to the face

  393. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2006 at 2:13 pm

    fg

  394. acme011 said,

    April 18, 2006 at 7:51 am

    did i win for repeating myself the most? fuckin mooks

  395. a bla said,

    April 23, 2006 at 10:46 pm

    When Chuck Norris yawns a fairy dies,
    When Chuck Norris burps a kitten dies
    When Chuck Norris has sex the woman dies.

  396. kowabunga said,

    April 24, 2006 at 4:58 am

    Ladies don’t mess with Chuck Norris, you saw what happened to Katrina

  397. Big B said,

    April 25, 2006 at 8:09 pm

    Gravity doesn’t pull Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris just doesn’t like to fly.

  398. yo momma said,

    April 26, 2006 at 11:25 am

    these are so tupid im 2 yrs old n i could beat chucknorris up with my pinky
    blind folded

  399. taeshawnda said,

    May 1, 2006 at 6:04 am

    ok this is the best one ever..–> Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris walked on Jesus.

  400. Joshua said,

    May 1, 2006 at 4:30 pm

    Chuck Norris once stepped on a cockroach and created the grand canyon. the hole pushed through the other side of the earth and created the great wall of china.

  401. adam said,

    May 4, 2006 at 2:40 pm

    i had sex with chuck norris, i still cant walk

  402. Daniel said,

    May 6, 2006 at 12:35 pm

    Chuck norris puts the laughter in manslaughter

  403. Daniel said,

    May 6, 2006 at 12:39 pm

    If u can see chuck norris he can see u, if u cant he can still see u

  404. Patrick said,

    May 11, 2006 at 10:56 pm

    Chuck Norris look at the eclipse, an it becomes blind.

    Chuck Norris can divede by Chuck Norris.

    The third World War will be fought by Chuck Norris an Mc Gyver. The fourth will be fought with rocks and slings…

  405. irene said,

    May 25, 2006 at 2:13 am

    if this site was in italian..perhaps i could understan something!bye

  406. Davide said,

    June 5, 2006 at 12:47 am

    you can find chuck norris facts here: http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris_Facts

  407. Mon-K said,

    June 21, 2006 at 7:06 am

    I didn’t read all, so maybe it’s already known (in this case, sorry). Number 3 and number 401 are the same.
    And please, don’t say “Chuck Norris can write the same line twice”… I doubt he can write. But again, he doesn’t need to know how, I suppose. He can force writing with roundhouse kicks….

    Mon-K

  408. rex said,

    June 22, 2006 at 2:09 am

    Chuck norris pisses fire

  409. rex said,

    June 22, 2006 at 2:15 am

    Be careful of what you think, chuck norris reads minds

  410. BJ Williams said,

    September 5, 2006 at 4:04 am

    Everyone wondered who shot JR…no one did. He just had a heart attack after meeting the greatness that is Chuck Norris

  411. hiutopor said,

    September 18, 2007 at 4:36 pm

    Hi all!

    Very interesting information! Thanks!

    G’night

  412. musiclover said,

    February 13, 2009 at 1:22 am

    Hello. And Bye.

  413. Cowboyrob said,

    February 21, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Hello. And Bye.

  414. Paperguy said,

    March 13, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    One time Chuck Norris planted his hair on the ground and Pecos Bill came up from it.

  415. Noble said,

    April 1, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Bonjour! The babes are here! This is my favorite site to visit. I make sure I am alone in case I get too hot. Post your favorite link here.

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