A Mouth Full of Noise
Thanks to Molly for this one.
Zombies Sue City
A group of zombies have risen up to claim the city of Minneapolis and Hennepin County violated their free rights and discriminated against them. The six adults and one juvenile who were arrested while impersonating the undead in July filed their lawsuit Thursday.
The ragged group were arrested for “simulating weapons of mass destruction” during a dance party near the Minneapolis entertainment district. Police alleged that wires protruding from the zombie’s backpacks could have been bombs or were meant to imitate bombs. It was later learned the wires were actually radios.
The adult zombies were jailed for two days before police and city attorneys said there was not enough evidence to charge them.
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Republicans in Colorado Oppose Counting Each And Every Vote
It began this morning. Computer glitches in the city of Denver started to slow down the voting process. There were reports of folks waiting over two hours in line to cast a vote. Democratic Party officials immediately asked a judge to extend the polls. “We need two more hours!” they said, and rightly so. Voting should not be a chore. Officials should indeed go out of their way to make sure that every vote is counted. It is the only way for the voice of the people to be heard.
The republicans do not see it that way. Especially in the largely liberal city of Denver. Just as quickly as the Democrats asked for an extra two hours, the Republicans opposed it. The judge agreed that she did not have the authority to extend polling hours.
This especially effects amendment 44, the initiative to legalize possession of under an ounce of marijuana. The vote count in the city of Denver, the largest city in Colorado, is integral to getting the percentage of votes needed to get this passed into law. Without a proper vote count in Denver, the chances of this law being put into effect are severely lowered.
The voice of the people is not going to be heard in this election. The Republicans do not want it to be heard simply because it is not in their best interests. They do not want every vote to be counted because they know they will lose on several key points. They are the enemies of the democratic system that we have in place. How else could one explain the fact that they do not want to see the polls remain open so that every voter has a chance to cast their ballot?
This has gone too far. When a political party opposes counting each and every vote in an election, especially the party that is in control of the current administration, the offense could be seen as nothing short of treason. These people should be tarred, feathered, and ran out of town.
Voting no longer works in this country. It hasn’t for years now, but today is the final straw. We can now be totally sure that we live in a dictatorship and not a democracy. America is now dead and it has been killed by the Republicans.
Today, we have another reason to be ashamed of our once great nation. The only way out, it seems, is all out revolution. Nothing else is working.
The 9 Most Bad Ass Fictional Characters in History
1. Tyler Durden
Of course, what better way to start this list off than with the man who lives within us all? “I look how you want to look, I fuck how you want to fuck…” The thing about him is that he won’t kick your ass himself, he will convince you to do it for him. Not only that, but afterwards you will feel freer than you have ever felt in your life.
2. John McLain
This name was the answer given when Osama Bin Laden was asked what his worst fear was. Before we had homeland security, we had John McLain. He single-handedly thwarted every terrorist attempt on US soil from the late eighties to the early nineties, half the time without even having proper footwear.
3. James Bond
There is only one Bond and his name is Connery. This guy could show up in your country, sleep with all your women, kill them along with all your henchmen, destroy your plans to dominate the world, blow up your hideout, and drink all your martinis before you could utter the phrase “Shaken, not stirred.”
4. Brock Sampson
If you are unfamiliar with the Venture Bros., you may not know this name. That is cool because Brock doesn’t give a shit what you know. He is too busy killing ninjas and ghost pirates to care what a bunch of net nerds think. Whatever you do, just don’t try to tell him where he can and can’t camp.
5. Obi Wan Kenobi
He may not be the most powerful Jedi, but on any given day he can triumph in a battle. He is like the wildcard. Whether his opponent is Darth Maul, Darth Vader, or just a super crazy Jedi-killing machine, he can pull out the win. Obi is the underdog that too many villains have taken lightly and ended up either cut in half or burned beyond recognition.
6. Achilles
“Does he think he will take the beach of Troy with 30 men?” Yes, yes he does. Actually, he would do it himself if he didn’t care enough about his men to get them a decent kill count as well. Gold statues of sun gods do not scare him, and neither do kings who are to full of themselves to realize who the real winner is in a battle. Bonus points awarded for killing the bitch ass Hector.
7. Batman
You can not defeat the bat. Not even if you have super powers and he does not. One might argue that he is nothing without his toys, but don’t let him hear you say that. He might just drop his utility belt and punch you in the face so hard your future kids will be born knocked the fuck out
8. Wolverine
This is the most homicidal little ball of hair you will ever see in your life. This one is bad ass not only because of his killing abilities, but also his ability to take pain. Everything he does hurts. Bad. Imagine having your flesh ripped open by three sharp knives every time you want to open a beer. Logan doesn’t even blink an eye. He actually enjoys it.
9. Red Foreman
“I may be the only man in this room who has actually killed a guy.” The thing about Red was that he never had to kick anyone’s ass. A look was enough to shiver the timbers of the even most seasoned pirate. A police officer once pulled Red over. Red let him off with a warning. It doesn’t get any more bad ass than that.
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The 12 Greatest Professions of All Time
1. Interstellar Bounty Hunter
While it is true that bounty hunters do not usually get wookies, there are plenty of other perks to this job. You get to fly through space at insane rates of speed hunting down strange alien criminals and bitch slapping Jedis. Now tell me, in what other profession would you be allowed to bitch slap a Jedi?
2. Evil Super Villain
We all know you get the castle and cool toys, as well as the ever popular laughing manically thing, but what I did not mention before is that you also get to be infamous. If the great Chevy Chase taught us anything, it is that being infamous is ten times better than being famous.
3. Super Bowl QB
You do not even have to be good, just have a decent defense. Anyone can do this job, even a bag boy at your local supermarket. Unlike the other positions listed here, you only have to do this once and you will be guaranteed pussy for life and free beers at nearly any bar you visit.
4. Rock Star
Cocaine, fast women, and loud music; what more could any guy ask for? Want free reign to set fire to motel rooms? You got it. M&M’s of only the blue variety? Sure. Do you like to stick bottles in the orifices of prostitutes? Stick away.
5. Outlaw
You will have your picture in banks everywhere under the much sought after “Wanted” heading. Women will love you even though you do not love them and allow you to hide out in their houses for as long as it takes for the fuzz to stop looking for you. You also get guns. A lot of guns. .
6. Super Computer Hacker
You will be the god of the World Wide Web, ruler of all that is DOS, and champion of nerds everywhere. No piece of electronic equipment is safe from your skills. Also, if you are lucky, Halle Berry will show you her tits.
7. Mob Boss
You get to “kneecap” people who disagree with you and eat pasta all day. You also get to use cool phrases like “I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!”
8. General of a Big Ass Army
This position allows you the opportunity to say cool lines like “Everyone fights, no one quits. If you quit, I’ll kill you myself.” The heads of your enemies will grace poles outside your tent. This is actually the only profession that allows you to do that without some liberal tree hugger somewhere getting all butt hurt.
9. Porn Star
I know, a lot of guys in the industry say this isn’t all it is cracked up to be. Those guys are liars. I mean, really, your job is to scrog hot chicks like the dirty sluts they are. It is not like you are transporting heavy furniture. Bonus: cheesy porn music follows you around everywhere you go.
10. Pirate
Sail the seven seas, call your enemies scurvy dogs, and get free music off the internet. Did a wench diss you during your last inland raid? Make that hooker walk the plank. While the eye patch may be completely optional, the bottle of rum is not. You also get a cool pirate name such as the Dread Pirate Roberts, even if your name is not Roberts.
11. Rogue Ninja
Choosing this career over the others means you get the coolest outfit. Trust me, chicks go mad wild for a man in black. You will get a vast array of weapons that can kill a man without so much as the sound of his body dropping. Although this job does not allow for cool catch phrases, it is always better to do your killing in a silent manner.
12. Rogue Pirate Ninja
This is the coolest profession of all time. You get the coolest costume, the best catch phrases, and women at every port. All of the perks from each profession is involved and none of the drawbacks. Other pirates and ninjas will fear your mad skills. Not even a Jedi master is a match for the prowess and drunken quietness of one who has reached the level of Rogue Pirate Ninja.
Awesome Fast Shutter Photography
When a moment in time is frozen by a photograph, the true wonder of natures complexity can be better understood. Presenting several hundred high speed photography examples to put that curiosity to rest.
Some of the photos include water baloons, footballs, tennis balls, eggs, fruit, birds, sand and lots more.
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